Grateful Dead

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Steve-O's picture
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Joined: Jun 4 2007
David Lemieux

I think Dave may need a few positive vibes. Thanks for the music Dave!!!

marye's picture
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Joined: May 26 2007
oh TigerLilly...

That's so hard. I'm so sorry, but I hope this is the beginning of something truly wonderful for you and yours.

TigerLilly's picture
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Joined: Jul 2 2007
sniff

is the best comment yet, izzie! To read that somebody else has managed such a situation gives me hope. THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!

izzie's picture
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Joined: May 26 2007
missing being the mom

Hey TigerLilly - I hear what you're saying. My son and husband are home in Colorado and I'm in San Diego. Not sure how far apart geographically Germany is from Spain, and I certainly don't have international boundaries to cross, but I can tell you from my heart that this is very hard, but it can be done. Your family can make this work, just like my family is making it work. Trust the love, my friend.

TigerLilly's picture
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Joined: Jul 2 2007
Thanks Hal

the attitude you mentioned is exactly what I am going for. That same attitude brought be to Germany, and basically I myself have no problem leaving here for Spain. The job is a dream job for me, Sevilla is beautiful, as Badger pointed out the food is excellent, my new boss José is a treasure and very understanding, and think Spain will suit me better overall than Germany. Spent most of the last months totally excited.

But now the time is actually here, and am shattered about my kids. They will be in good hands with their father, I will buy them a webcam and see them every day, José will let me have Friday afternoons to come back here, all is theoretically great, except for my conscience, that is. My daughter is my heart, my fairy changeling, and to miss her everyday ups and downs...know nobody who is quite the same pure and generous soul like she is.

But is no life for them like this. My last employer stopped paying me in January, so I quit in April. We have been broke and only one step away from the street ever since. Tried to find a job here, applying to everything under the sun, including supermarkets and McDonald's. Sent out 400 applications- All said no, if they answered at all. Germany is rough for finding a job, let me tell you!!!!!!!! So I am quite worn down anyhow. Part of me is relishing the break from child-rearing in poverty, and part of me is hating myself for that. None of us really care about being rich, but not having to freak out every time the school asks for 5 euros for something, or when my son outgrows his soccer shoes would let me have more energy "to smell the roses". Or being to eat more regularly myself would be good. Kept thinking what I eat, the kids' can't, and they are growing and I am not.

So I will go, and I will send money back here, and I will deal, and have my moments of fun in between heartbreak, and...

Hal R's picture
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Joined: Jun 13 2007
Positive energy and the best to you.

TigerLilly, You do have quite the dilema. Can you go with kind of an attitude of I will see how this works out, it might not, if it doesn't at least I tried, nothing lost, if it does great. If the person that hired you is a friend perhaps there is some support or understanding there.

You are about to embark on a new adventure that may be best in the long run for your kids, since you did mention the need for $. And give yourself a minute here and there to smell the roses.

Peace to you.

Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)
Walt Whitman-Song of Myself

TigerLilly's picture
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Joined: Jul 2 2007
Thanx badger

I can't take the kids because they have school, friends, activities, a little house, in other words a life here. I have a job in Spain, my new employer is a buddy of mine, and that is all I have there right now. Is not worth the disruption in their lives JUST YET to rip up their roots for the unknown. Perhaps I can bring them once there is a life there to bring them to. Don't know. My son has some problems in school anyhow, and I am not sure whether this separation won't tip him over into doing worse. Have no idea. Right now am not sure I can go, then other moments I am excited. Am a wreck, can admit it. Thank goodness for clickair airlines, where I can come and go for around 80 euros these days, otherwise depression would be worse. Have done alot of pretending that all is fine, is necessary w/kids, but now that the end is really here, am freaking out.

cosmicbadger's picture
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Joined: Jun 13 2007
Courage

Courage TigerLilly!

wow...while you've been bouncing around this site looking after everyone, you are going through this! Amazing

I guess there's a reason you can't take the kids or you would. If it is of any consolation I have made several huge and dangerous leaps in my life..all have ripped chunks out me...but all have turned out to be for the best. If kids know they are loved they can often bear these things better than their parents. If you do what you do with an open heart and open eyes then you will all be fine!

Lots of love and good wishes to all of you

btw.....on the eating thing...the food in Spain is sooooo much better

TigerLilly's picture
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Joined: Jul 2 2007
Need a finger or two

crossed for me! The time has almost come to leave for Spain. 6 days or so. Am a nerveous wreck! Walk around nauseous and can't sleep. Can't eat. Am completely overwhelmed at the idea of packing up my stuff. Was excited about going, as love adventure and new opportunity, but the BUT here is very big. Have to leave my 2 children behind, in Germany. Are days when I am not sure whether I can. Do I sit here broke and unemployed, which is no life for any of us, or do I go and earn a living? Every moment with my kids is so precious right now, even when they are bickering amongst themselves. Like Chris, am crying right now. Can I live w/myself if I do this? Right now I am not so sure.

TigerLilly's picture
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Joined: Jul 2 2007
Big virtual hug

Chris! Had actually been wondering when you would update us again, so am glad you just did. Though am very sorry to read your news. Keep caring about Carol, somehow she knows how Deadicated you are in hoping for her. Hope can work miracles, and am hoping for one for you and Carol.

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