This is my second mixed relationship (first didn't work out, but I never learn.) As I am sure many of you know, trying to explain to someone who doesn't get the Dead why you like them is next to impossible. Since I don't wear my "deadheadness" on my sleeve (I'm not the stereotypicaly patchouli wearing, long-haired, hippy--although I used to be) it often comes as quite a surprise to folks that I like the Dead. And when they discover I like them, they don't quite get how much or why--and I've generally given up trying to explain it.

When I told my current significant other that I liked the Dead (about 4 years ago) and used to follow them around, she kind of chuckled (a chuckle of relief that the Dead were now defunct and she didn't have to worry about me zipping off to shows). I have tried to subtly have her listen to them in the car or when she gets home from work I will have them on---invariably I get this "What's this?" in a mildly disapproving tone.

The good thing is that she has a similar attraction to another group (the Barenaked Ladies--a very different group from the Dead, but one I can appreciate and that puts on a good show) so at the very least she can relate to the obsession one has with a favorite band like the Dead. She also thinks its funny to "out me" with her friends who are very "straight" and like only Top 40. She finds it amusing their reaction when they discover that I used to be a long haired acid dropping hippy.

What I have tried to do is to get her to listen to "dead-ish" bands with some success so we can find a happy middle ground. Other than that, I just play the Dead mostly when she isn't around or at least I don't blast them when she is home.

It works.

It's caused fights between me and my significant other. we've both got our own ipods, and they overlap in some respects, but hers contains much more popular music. She can tolerate jamming, for instance she like Umphrey's McGee, but she'd rather listen to something she can sing...which isn't the Dead, or Phish, or anything that i'd rather be listening to. So, it caused a couple of minor fights between us in the car, but otherwise it's not too bad, we're learning to tolerate eachother's music, which is good.

Great commentaries. So relatable. Hub and I are jokingly dubbed "the Gucci...and the Grateful Dead". He's Brooks Brothers....Im Birkenstocks, but hey--I have learned not to question what works. Have to give him Kudos for trekking to shows with me, listening to jams on long trips...( quote, "what are these songs, like two hours long?) and quietly accepting my incense burning, occasional trade off of $$ perfume he bestows on me for a dab of patchouly, and my predictable summer wardrobe of hippie dresses.
He had never been to any form of Dead show until "The Dead" in Bristow--'04. I laughed at his comments that "there will be like, 30 people there" ( 10,000, actually). He marveled at the Shakedown St scene before the show, and by the end of it all...I think I detected a tiny bit of sway on his part toward the end. He purchased some Dicks Picks sets upon departure---but swears to this day, the Dead are not his thing....hey, it's never too late hun. :)

I shouldn't say complete opposites but pretty close. I love the Dead, She loves Tesla. I went to a Tesla show with her and 2 friends to be able to say that I had gone. I dealt with it, not bad actually. They played Truckin, I would never have guessed, so that part was really good, but the Tesla heads that kept bumping into me spilling my beer part I could do without. All in all not a bad evening, and she loved me even more, just for the effort!! I took her to see RatDog as the Dead weren't around anymore when we got together. She liked watching all the heads more than listening to the music. I wish she had been able to have seen the Dead, I don't know if that would have changed anything or not, but at least she would be able to understand better. But we love each other and Lord I can see that it is true!!!!

I can relate to all these stories. My ex-wife was no Dead Head either. Most of the time, she called it "noise". She was a Beatlemaniac. Thankfully, we had a love of Blues in common.

But, she's gone now, and I'm searching for another soulmate who is into the Dead, (amongst other incompatible and mutually exclusive criteria).