They Love Each Other. But...

Posts: 4438
Joined: 05/26/07

Posted: June 21, 2007 - 8:12am

It's a common tale: you're into the Dead. You're also into your relationship with your significant other, who is very much not into the Dead.

How do you make it work?

Comments

really.

On February 19th, 2008 marye said:

Surely they've come up with a dual charger by now?

We say we compliment each other...

On February 19th, 2008 Ami said:

My husband of 11 years can not stand the Dead. He can't stand live music UNLESS it is so orchestrated and in an accoustically balanced forum. He is a jazz musician and has perfect pitch, can play ANYTHING by ear, and has no use for Jerry forgetting lyrics, people talking through a concert, or the whole "freaky people scene." I knew from the start he wasn't into the Dead- or even rock music- from the get go. He's a jazz man and into groups I had never heard of. Some days it's choral music, then chants, then Miles Davis, then the funk hits and old Tower of Power is blaring. The Yellowjacks, Dave Grisham, Accoustic Alchemy.... it goes on. Talk about opposites attracting. He can sit down with his jazz hollow body guitar and play be the sweetest Sugaree or other tunes, but he can't stand the tapes, concert scene, or the 20+ minute jams. His view is to tease and tickle, anything past 5 minutes of jam is overkill in his eyes. Speaking of Eyes, he does like the Without A Net Eyes w/Wynton Marcelis. Unfortunately for him, I had mail ordered and gotten confirmation for show tix and then Jerry died, so my husband never got to see a show. Luckily, I have a long time DH buddy, known each other since 2nd grade! We go to shows together and his wife is like my guy- not into it. My ex-husband didn't like them either, but in our 10 year marriage he went to over
50+ shows! He liked the lot scene. Now with 2 kids, I have no time to listen during my after work hours, so I play the boyz in my classroom, car, and wherever my laptop goes. Our way of dealing- major compromise-we take turns on long car rides and made our first wedding dance a Van Morrison song instead.

Ami

William - O

On February 19th, 2008 iknowurider said:

My words exactly: How could Anyone Not LOVE the Dead????? Your comment made me smile, bc you are Right On!!

PEACE

Oh man!

On April 8th, 2008 leshtricity said:

This is my favorite thread ever.

It speaks volumes to me that there are many other 'heads in this situation. Good to know you're not alone!

My girl likes the GD. She doesn't love them, she doesn't hate them. We've been to shows together, in fact one of our most memorable moments together was at a Dark Star Orchestra show. But there are of course times when it gets "a little bit much" for her. Which is fine.

I will say though, it is hard for me to understand how the Dead are not universally regarded as a phenomenon! =)

It's like beets

On April 13th, 2008 thndrbill said:

either you like them or you don't. For years my wife loved to go to shows and dance and check out the vendors in the parking lot, but she never has had much use for any kind of recorded Dead and for some reason cannot stand Bobby. My solution is not to play it much when she's around. The way it has worked out over 18 years is that I like most all music she likes and she likes some of what I listen to.
Ami, I know how you feel. One of my best friends, who I used to play with, is a tremendous jazz musician (way better than me) and he was appalled by the shaky harmonies and less than stellar execution that came along from time to time. We have agreed to disagree. However once he walked in the room while some version of Scarlet Begonias was playing and had to admit he liked it.

OH MY GOD!

On July 16th, 2008 Gypsy Cowgirl said:

OH MY GOD! how can any one of you people be Dead Heads & not marry another dead head? The funniest one I read is the one about the guy who's got his 6 yr. old son singing with him now-I can only hope my 4 yr. old grandson & 2 yr. old granddaughters will so the same soon! & his father grew up with the band.......I was one of the lucky ones-both my ex & current hubby of the past 14 years (although we've known each other for 30yrs) were into the GD..............ok, back to work......enough play for now...............www.walkupwear.com

Not sure how it works...

On November 5th, 2008 raw-vegan-girl said:

I was in a long-term relationship with another Head and it worked very well - well, until recently. Not sure I could be with someone who wasn't as into them as I am or more. Can it really work?

my S.O.

On November 7th, 2008 steviecharles said:

stevie c
We have been together for 23 years, 3 kids, 2 states and several dogs and cats, and parrots. When we met, she was into airplane, hot tuna, csn&y, and the dead. She said that she saw the dead in central park and in madison square garden. However, the only music of theirs she was familiar with were their studio albums. Now back in the late 70's early 80's I had about 400 casette tapes of concerts, 20+ dead shows, and 10+ jerry and bobby shows under my belt. Nowadays she tells me I am a fanatic and I made her not like the dead anymore. I LOVE the dead, and miss jerry almost as much as my son that passed to next world last jan. I play my guitar everyday and it drives her crazy because anything I play i do it in traditional dead style. Even in church, I play psalms and hymns like jerry would have. We don't even listen to music together anymore because of our tastes. I think I try to meet her half way but she just doesn't give it a chance.Anyone with any thoughts? stevie c

I'm laughing reading these

On November 12th, 2008 Canyon Critter said:

I'm laughing reading these posts. So I'd thought share my experience:

My first girl was my high school sweetheart...I introduced her to the dead and the funny thing is even though we've been broken since '94 I just got an email last week from her saying that it was the thing about me she was most thankful for.

"Not doing to bad ol friend. Still got the Dead in ya...I see. Good Good. Best thing ya ever showed me. Been going to nearly every availbale possible show for years. Also a Big Ratdog fan now. quite a love story- you and me. 10 years. "

So fast forward to June, 2006:

My girlfriend and I had just got to Milwaukee's Summerfest to see Tom Petty & Pearl Jam play (good show by the way) on the 28th. So after that, I "talked" her into seeing String Cheese and Ratdog on the 6th of july. I was all pumped before the show and totally diggin the vibe, I was home with my family. Bobby opens up with Monkey & The Engineer, energy was like the summer night HOT. As I'm dancing around like a head on the picnic tables to the second song in the set, my favorite, Cassidy, she says to me, "These people smell like patchouli oil and haven't taken a shower for weeks." Being a head for along time I was completely offended by that statement. It was right then and there I had a total ephinany....she's not even close to being the right one for me. I'm in it for love. I tried to love someone I'm not, high maintanence and judgemental. I should have known the first time we went camping ;-) It took me a little longer to realize it was true and broke up with her a month later.

I was done looking for my Sugar Magnolia....and WHAM out of the blue comes a girl that was closer to my roots. She didn't care about how cute she looked, there's no outlet for a hair dryer, or what kind of jeans someone was wearing. She was beautiful to the ends of the earth and kind with all her heart. We started dating and first thing I did was say, "Hey Babe, you wanna go to Ratdog and The Allman Brothers at the Charter One Pavillion with me?" She's only 22 (believe me I was very reluctant at first but after meeting we just knew) and didn't even know who Bobby was. She was really excited to go and learn about where I came from.

In the parking garage at Soldier Field (alas the last place Jerry played) we hung out before the show....she was totally at home and really diggin the GD Hour tape I was playing from '98. It wasn't like the Oakland Coliseum lot D or anything but we had alot of fun with the "fams". So we walk around the harbor to get to the pavillion dancing around the people along the way. It was an amazingly cool summer night with a perfect breeze coming from Lake Michagan. As we get into the show, it's just a chill vibe.

Jam > Playin in the Band > Ramble On Rose, Cold Rain and Snow The mode of the show was a real slow tempo chill night. I was sing every word and we both were rockin out around the bleachers. She said,"Om my god, you know every single word to these songs...that's awesome! These people are amazing." We keep dancing and singing until Ratdog pulls out Dear Prudence, she's a huge Beatles fan, she say every single word smiling from ear to ear. It was amazing. Allman Bros played, needless to say we had a perfect night.

As were driving home from the show, she tells me that the show made her feel like she was at home....boy did she know I felt.

I fell madly in love with her after that night. If I had the world to give, I'd give it to her. As long as I live.
_________________________________________________________
Will you come with me? Once in awhile you can get shown the light in the strangest of places if you look at it right!

Here's another (unusual?!) example

On January 4th, 2009 SpectrumMJP said:

Husband and wife first meet working event security at a concert venue. He-basic classic rock type(Boston/Kansas...)/She-basically musically multi-faceted(being in that business, I think that should be a job skill but that's just my opinion.) She admittedly did not become a Dead aficionado until after working her first show. Turs out the music tastes are given mutual respect in the house and has been for over 21 years now.