Grateful Dead

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Joined: Jun 24 2007
As a relatively new Deadhead

As a relatively new Deadhead I have to say that it is comforting to see that there are others who have a similar situation regarding their SO. My wife and I have been together for over ten years, and over the course of this time we have come to realize that there a some things we will never agree on. Musically, it is of course the Dead. While she is tolerant most of the time, there are times when I have it playing and she will ask, "Do we have to listen to this?" I generally try to listen to it when I'm in the car or when I have the house to myself.
However, it is becoming obvious to me that my wife will soon be out numbered because my two year old will start dancing and having a blast while listening to certain songs, mainly "China Cat" and "Morning Dew." She is such a Daddy's girl.

"...the powerful plays goes on, and you may contribute a verse"
-Walt Whitman-

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Joined: Jun 23 2007
My Mixed relationship

This is my second mixed relationship (first didn't work out, but I never learn.) As I am sure many of you know, trying to explain to someone who doesn't get the Dead why you like them is next to impossible. Since I don't wear my "deadheadness" on my sleeve (I'm not the stereotypicaly patchouli wearing, long-haired, hippy--although I used to be) it often comes as quite a surprise to folks that I like the Dead. And when they discover I like them, they don't quite get how much or why--and I've generally given up trying to explain it.

When I told my current significant other that I liked the Dead (about 4 years ago) and used to follow them around, she kind of chuckled (a chuckle of relief that the Dead were now defunct and she didn't have to worry about me zipping off to shows). I have tried to subtly have her listen to them in the car or when she gets home from work I will have them on---invariably I get this "What's this?" in a mildly disapproving tone.

The good thing is that she has a similar attraction to another group (the Barenaked Ladies--a very different group from the Dead, but one I can appreciate and that puts on a good show) so at the very least she can relate to the obsession one has with a favorite band like the Dead. She also thinks its funny to "out me" with her friends who are very "straight" and like only Top 40. She finds it amusing their reaction when they discover that I used to be a long haired acid dropping hippy.

What I have tried to do is to get her to listen to "dead-ish" bands with some success so we can find a happy middle ground. Other than that, I just play the Dead mostly when she isn't around or at least I don't blast them when she is home.

It works.

johnnyg's picture
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Joined: Jun 4 2007
we were both huge fans....

saw some great shows together; had some special bonding moments on the road, etc....
had a real strong magical bond.

and then one day, she would have no more of any of it.
Shows, music, partying even the slightest bit....nothing. Nada. Zero.
and then she went crazy for real.

That was the saddest part.
I wont mention how many additional shows I calculated I could have seen if we would have just let go to begin with.

“The Omnipotent Grateful Dead!”

sixstringsmoreorLesh's picture
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Joined: Jun 4 2007
grateful union

tj crowley first things first...clinically (and for communication purposes) SO should be S/O..now.....my response to questioning folk has always been...when the boys are in town i know who's w/ the children AND when we get divorced there's no argument over who gets the tapes

JeffN's picture
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Joined: Jun 20 2007
Truckin

I listen to the Dead I would say 95% of the time when I am in my truck. My wife always complains that we just heard that song and can we put the radio on . I tell her wait here's were Jerry does this awesome jam. I'll be singing along and say "everybody now" and my son who is six years old starts singing with me. Now my wife is shaking her head because my son and I are both singing.

grendel's picture
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Joined: Jun 6 2007
I would say that the blame was mine...

I basically killed the Grateful Dead for my wife.

When we first started dating I asked her if she liked the Dead, and when she said "well, i really only know Touch of Grey and Truckin , and I like those", instead of "eeewww, those hippie losers?" I immediately took that as a good sign and made her a mixed tape. By then i knew she was into jazz so I included the Branford Eyes from 3/29/90, added some safe and beautiful acoustic tunes from Reckoning, and took my chances with a live Stella Blue from the Knick in '90...

She really liked the tape--not overly so, but enough that I felt quite comfortable playing them when she was around.

Things progressed great, (like a diesel train--nothing that you need to add or do ;-) and we moved in together. So now she's exposed much more to the gazillion different (to my ears) version of Eyes, Fire, Scarlet, etc., and each time i'm saying 'wait til you hear this though--it's a GREAT version--but I was oblivious to the fact that it doesn't matter what the version sounds like to me--to her it's just TOO MUCH of the what sounds like the same.

I shoulda quit while I was ahead, basically, and if I only played the Dead once in a while she'd be fine, maybe even ask me to turn it up. (Maybe). But the good news is that even though all this happened, she still agreed to marry me, and it's more a running joke now than anything.

I can still annoy the crap out of her by cranking up Fire in the car, but she gives it right back, by mocking Jerry's voice on those occassions, when, let's face it--he sounds like a frog being strangled in a blender. And the less said about her thoughts on Donna, the better.

I think if you can drive your spouse crazy by overplaying the Dead day and night--and she still loves you and doesn't kick you to the curb, you got a good thing going.

gratefulgerd's picture
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Joined: Jun 7 2007
enjoyed the shows

I'm a big GD-Fan since the 70's.
Back in1994 my wife and I made a trip from Germany to California.
One of the main goals for that trip was to see the Dead at CalExpo,Sacramento. I knew, my wife was not that enthusiastic about their music so I convinced her to go to attend least one of the three CalExpo shows with me. So we arranged to see the first show togeher and the other two shows I go myself with friends.
In hopes she might like the live atmoshere in combination with the music, I got tickets for her for all three shows as well. But she didn't know.
After the first night I asked her how she liked the show and she replied, that she enjoyed it very much. Especially the big party, before, during and after the show. Something hard to find in Europe. Up came old memories. So I was aked to get tickets for the other shows, which I already had. Luckily. All shows were sold out. Both we enjoyed a three night party with the greatest music ever played on the planet. Now she shares my love to the GD. But still, she prefers her more mainstream-music.

pkpotter's picture
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Joined: Jun 7 2007
married into the family

My wife and the love of my life like's to say she married into the "family". I went to my first show at 13 - the wall of sound test cow palace march 23 1974. Forever dead after that(thank's Kevin). My wife and I have been together 10 years now and she actually has started to enjoy it. It remind's her of summer. The real test was the Grateful dead family reunion at alpine valley. After an awesome vibe from the crowd and a spectacular double rainbow right over the stage, the music has never stopped. There is hope! peace.

marye's picture
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Joined: May 26 2007
do not dis Vince Gill

I like Vince Gill too!

d0ti5's picture
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Joined: Jun 5 2007
Yeah, she would drop me at the shows...

I remember my darlin' wife of 25 years saying she had never seen so many weirdo's, after dropping me off at a Red Rocks show. I always felt at home, so I didn't think we looked THAT weird....

She doesn't listen to the same stuff I am into - trance, Goa, Dead, 'Spread, Cheese, Dog, Zero 7, Morcheeba - I don't listen to much Vince Gill. I am usually kind (she REALLY can't stand them), but my daughter has all my disks, and we listen to all the "good" stuff.

So, at least one of "my girls" like my jams. The other one is fun to cuddle, makes up for the music thing. Even if she like Vince Gill.
{8^{>

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