Grateful Dead

I'm not the only one never knew we had a name ... Glad to know been Clean and Sober for awhile Thanks to Uncle Sams Canoe Club years ago...

Anyone every make a wharf rat pin or patch just wondering...

My 1st Grateful Dead show was NYE 1971 at Winterland.
I spent the next 15 years on the road and mostly in the "alternative" economic system in the Greater SF Bay area and counties to the north (with a brief sojourn in Tucson, Arizona).
Most of the middle 70s to early 80s were spent "up North," guerrilla gardening. During all that time The Dead and my particular family of fellow Dead Heads were THE CENTRAL focus of my life.
Everything from the music, to romance, to children, to how I earned a living revolved around that scene.
Getting high for fun, turned into getting high for profit, and finally, to getting strung out as a hard fall from grace
I lost my life-partner and child.
That breakup - caused by too many reasons to fathom; but definitely fanned and fed by my drug use and addiction - was an ugly, sad, tragic, period; full of self-pity, guilt, and remorse.
And, of course MORE DOPE!
Got another family.
Got REALLY strung out.
By this time I had entered the "mainstream" economy, but was shocked at all the chicanery "straight" folks could get up to.
But that's beside the point.
Drugs finally stopped working - literally - I could not get enough DOPE into my system in order to get high. I could stay "well," but I COULD NOT get high anymore.
Had a moment of clarity - got clean, July 21, 1989.
I worked a half-ass program of recovery, but by "the grace and mercy of the miracle of recovery," I stayed clean for 17 (seventeen) years!
Eventually, because my participation in my own recovery and (just as important) in the recovery of others was less than enthusiastic, my spiritual conditioned began to suffer.
Meetings became a bore and a chore; my fellow recovering addicts became an object of my resentmeant.
I stopped going to meetings on a regular basis.
Of course, before long, I relapsed - to my utter SHOCK & SURPRISE.
Pain meds prescribed for a legit reason, but by an UNINFORMED doctor - I chose to keep him in the dark about my status as an addict - were the substance I began to abuse.
As prescribed, "1 or 2, every 6-8 hours as needed for pain" became "6 or 8 every 1 or 2 hours as I DESIRE to get LOADED."
I stayed "out there" for the next six years.
Finally, I came back to "the rooms" at my wife's urging - that's right, this angel has stayed with me through thick, thin, and whatever the cat brought in. I sat in meetings for a few days, blubbering to myself while all those around me tried to get the message of recovery through my thick, muddled head.
ACTION was urged by all, get a sponsor, read the literature, WORK THE STEPS!
Tomorrow I see my pain doc; cop to being a 12 stepper, and begin to taper off all narcotic pain-meds.
Even when prescribed for legit pain by an INFORMED doctor, FOR ME using narcotic pain meds is just too slippery-a-slope.
This is NOT a judgement for any other recovering addict who has a legit need for (any kind of) medication - this is just what I have to do IN MY CASE AT THIS POINT IN TIME.
Day-after-tomorrow will once again be Day 31 for this addict, as long as I don't do something really DUMB.
I also meet with my sponsor on that day, as on every Saturday morning.
That is the BIG CHANGE this time around - I finally have a sponsor with whom I meet on a REGULAR basis EVERY WEEK!
I am learning that the 3rd step, to make a decision to surrender my will and my life over to THE CARE of a power-greater-than-myself must be followed up by ACTION:
1. GET HONEST
2. WORK THE REST OF THE STEPS

Okay, that's more than I meant to share, thanks for listening, that is, if you made it this far. If not, well . . . thanks anyway!
Love to all,
JiJi

If I am in New York in the US of A; can I look out
my window and see India?

Great questions.

Found you here this morning and
wanted to drop you a vibe and love
and a note.

Being sober will not be hard to be if
you remember that's what you want
to be. If you think you'd rather be
(insert your shoice of words) it will
be aweful and you might fail at your
endeavor. *Want* to be sober and you
will succeed. It won't matter where you
are because our wants almost always
win in our behaviors. Like minded friends
just make it super extra fun. Want all good
things for yourself and you'll find your wants;
right at your own backdoor. We are creatures
of our own pleasures; let being sober be what
pleases you most and the sailing will be
smoother that expected. As for the addiction
part, teach your body well, it needs a new
motivation for pleasure. A brisk walk can get you
high as can volunteering and many other
wonderful, exciting, creative, and magical
choices. All the best to you, jaybird13.
One of my dearest friends friend just made it
to a brand new existence and their life
is brand new. Wharf Rats Rock, be proud.
"Whiskey got no hold on me."
-Steve Earle

Hey family,
Been a while since I checked in. A lot going on. My son is almost 14. Going through the growing pains of the teenage blues with him. I'm doing good. Learning how to show up different in my life, one day at a time. I'm not agro, or stressed anymore, just sort of calm and serene. I've got some inner peace that I didn't know was possible. In fact when I saw others happy and at peace I thought that they were faking it. That it wasn't real. But now I sort of just roll with the punches. Lost my grandmother in September. That was sad. But again, I've learned some tools since I've been clean and any adversity I face is just an opportunity to become stronger and add tools to my tool box. Christmas is here, yet again, my favorite time of year. I've made a lot of good friends now and most importantly I've connected with my higher power. And trust me when I say that that power metamorphasizes from moment to moment sometimes. What ever keeps me clean but I've built trust with my higher power and from that has come faith!! I am so super blessed.
Actually, I used to run to Haight for the love of the family, never understanding the words of the woman at my first show, "we're your family", I guess now that means that I'm right where I need to be. As much as I love the Haight, I don't have to get outside of myself to find the love anymore. I do miss the Fam though!! One Love!! Peace and Inity forIver!!! I love you family!!
21 months and staying strong!!

Zelda