My 1st Grateful Dead show was NYE 1971 at Winterland.
I spent the next 15 years on the road and mostly in the "alternative" economic system in the Greater SF Bay area and counties to the north (with a brief sojourn in Tucson, Arizona).
Most of the middle 70s to early 80s were spent "up North," guerrilla gardening. During all that time The Dead and my particular family of fellow Dead Heads were THE CENTRAL focus of my life.
Everything from the music, to romance, to children, to how I earned a living revolved around that scene.
Getting high for fun, turned into getting high for profit, and finally, to getting strung out as a hard fall from grace
I lost my life-partner and child.
That breakup - caused by too many reasons to fathom; but definitely fanned and fed by my drug use and addiction - was an ugly, sad, tragic, period; full of self-pity, guilt, and remorse.
And, of course MORE DOPE!
Got another family.
Got REALLY strung out.
By this time I had entered the "mainstream" economy, but was shocked at all the chicanery "straight" folks could get up to.
But that's beside the point.
Drugs finally stopped working - literally - I could not get enough DOPE into my system in order to get high. I could stay "well," but I COULD NOT get high anymore.
Had a moment of clarity - got clean, July 21, 1989.
I worked a half-ass program of recovery, but by "the grace and mercy of the miracle of recovery," I stayed clean for 17 (seventeen) years!
Eventually, because my participation in my own recovery and (just as important) in the recovery of others was less than enthusiastic, my spiritual conditioned began to suffer.
Meetings became a bore and a chore; my fellow recovering addicts became an object of my resentmeant.
I stopped going to meetings on a regular basis.
Of course, before long, I relapsed - to my utter SHOCK & SURPRISE.
Pain meds prescribed for a legit reason, but by an UNINFORMED doctor - I chose to keep him in the dark about my status as an addict - were the substance I began to abuse.
As prescribed, "1 or 2, every 6-8 hours as needed for pain" became "6 or 8 every 1 or 2 hours as I DESIRE to get LOADED."
I stayed "out there" for the next six years.
Finally, I came back to "the rooms" at my wife's urging - that's right, this angel has stayed with me through thick, thin, and whatever the cat brought in. I sat in meetings for a few days, blubbering to myself while all those around me tried to get the message of recovery through my thick, muddled head.
ACTION was urged by all, get a sponsor, read the literature, WORK THE STEPS!
Tomorrow I see my pain doc; cop to being a 12 stepper, and begin to taper off all narcotic pain-meds.
Even when prescribed for legit pain by an INFORMED doctor, FOR ME using narcotic pain meds is just too slippery-a-slope.
This is NOT a judgement for any other recovering addict who has a legit need for (any kind of) medication - this is just what I have to do IN MY CASE AT THIS POINT IN TIME.
Day-after-tomorrow will once again be Day 31 for this addict, as long as I don't do something really DUMB.
I also meet with my sponsor on that day, as on every Saturday morning.
That is the BIG CHANGE this time around - I finally have a sponsor with whom I meet on a REGULAR basis EVERY WEEK!
I am learning that the 3rd step, to make a decision to surrender my will and my life over to THE CARE of a power-greater-than-myself must be followed up by ACTION:
1. GET HONEST
2. WORK THE REST OF THE STEPS
Okay, that's more than I meant to share, thanks for listening, that is, if you made it this far. If not, well . . . thanks anyway!
Love to all,
Sorry for the double post
I can't figure out how to delete a post
If I am in New York in the US of A; can I look out
my window and see India?
...although I am in recovery, this is sort of an off topic post. I am putting it here because it seems to be the only place the webiste will allow me to post. Can anyone explain to me why the grateful dead community/family seems to be denying the existance of Bruce Hornsby? Was this at his request? Was there a falling out? How many years do you have to play with the band to become a member? I am looking at a picture of the hall of fame induction and he is clearly standing there. I have tapes with him clearly playing. I saw him live. I am not insane. Even the picturte in question (in the Grateful Dead scrapbook) shows him, but deliberately ignores him in the caption. The cardboard cutout of Jerry is clearly identified, but we are supposed to pretend that Bruce is not in the picture. What gives? Tom Constanten is listed as a member of the band and I don't beleive I ever heard a live recording with him in it.....
Found you here this morning and
wanted to drop you a vibe and love
and a note.
Being sober will not be hard to be if
you remember that's what you want
to be. If you think you'd rather be
(insert your shoice of words) it will
be aweful and you might fail at your
endeavor. *Want* to be sober and you
will succeed. It won't matter where you
are because our wants almost always
win in our behaviors. Like minded friends
just make it super extra fun. Want all good
things for yourself and you'll find your wants;
right at your own backdoor. We are creatures
of our own pleasures; let being sober be what
pleases you most and the sailing will be
smoother that expected. As for the addiction
part, teach your body well, it needs a new
motivation for pleasure. A brisk walk can get you
high as can volunteering and many other
wonderful, exciting, creative, and magical
choices. All the best to you, jaybird13.
One of my dearest friends friend just made it
to a brand new existence and their life
is brand new. Wharf Rats Rock, be proud.
"Whiskey got no hold on me."
I just went into recovery from alcoholism last Thursday. I love my new life already but I was concerned about going to shows and festivals this summer without any sober friends. A good friend of mine told me to check into Wharf Rats to help me solve this dilemma. Man, am I glad to know you guys are out there! I will keep an eye on what's going on and will post when I'm out and about to see if any Rats will be going to the same places. I live in Jackson, TN and usually go to Memphis more than anywhere else right now. If there's anybody out there that's in the area please feel free to contact me, I need all the sober buddies I can get. Thanks!
Been a while since I checked in. A lot going on. My son is almost 14. Going through the growing pains of the teenage blues with him. I'm doing good. Learning how to show up different in my life, one day at a time. I'm not agro, or stressed anymore, just sort of calm and serene. I've got some inner peace that I didn't know was possible. In fact when I saw others happy and at peace I thought that they were faking it. That it wasn't real. But now I sort of just roll with the punches. Lost my grandmother in September. That was sad. But again, I've learned some tools since I've been clean and any adversity I face is just an opportunity to become stronger and add tools to my tool box. Christmas is here, yet again, my favorite time of year. I've made a lot of good friends now and most importantly I've connected with my higher power. And trust me when I say that that power metamorphasizes from moment to moment sometimes. What ever keeps me clean but I've built trust with my higher power and from that has come faith!! I am so super blessed.
Actually, I used to run to Haight for the love of the family, never understanding the words of the woman at my first show, "we're your family", I guess now that means that I'm right where I need to be. As much as I love the Haight, I don't have to get outside of myself to find the love anymore. I do miss the Fam though!! One Love!! Peace and Inity forIver!!! I love you family!!
21 months and staying strong!!
Hi, I've been in recovery for 19 days. I am wondering if there will be a
Wharf Rat presence at the Chicago Allstate Further show this Friday. This
will be my first concert that I attend sober. I was hoping to learn more
about the following:
1. Where is the Wharf Rat table generally located? I realize there will be
yellow balloons, but I was curious if there was a designated area inside
2. Would I need a floor ticket to access the table?
3. Is there a meeting preceding the event, and, if so, where and when?
Thank you in advance for any help/information.
i'm a young kid and i'm really grateful to have a chance at recovery this early in life. i was on furthur tour for a while and uh ya know, whiskey and l was what we lived on like everyone else.
i remember always walking by the wharf rats table and never knew what the hell was going on. never had any idea that those people were sober or that i was an addict. never knew why everyone was always clapping and why they weren't drinking. i always thought wharf rats was like some group of old heads and i wasn't welcome.
anyways i started getting sober over the summer after catching a case in the summer and i've never been happier. i was at the spac show over the summer but couldn't find the table but i'll be at albany on tuesday and that will be my first wharf rats meeting.
i live in schenectady, ny right now and go to aa meetings around the area. if you live in the area, give me a holler. i would love to meet ya and would love to know if there is already wharf rats meetings up here, and if not, i'd like to try to get it going
see ya tuesday
my husband n I are both old heads that recently got sober and we are looking for info on the Columbus meeting before the show any info will be helpful thanks