Grateful Dead

After my husband died, I could hardly listen to any music at all for a really long time. It all just made me feel worse. The only music that I could listen to for about 2 years was the Dead and the Beatles. It's hard to explain why, other than the universal magic of both of these bands to uplift the human spirit. It's like some sort of cosmic miracle that is hard to put into words. All I know is that it's true. They healed my heart and helped me to keep going through the most difficult time in my life, and I am eternally grateful.

My brother turned me on to the Dead back in the early 80's. He made me a mixed tape of selections from live performances. I put it in my car stereo, cranked it up as load as it would go, and was instantly hooked on the Dead! I never got to see them live, but have seen RatDog and Bob Weir with Rob Wasserman live. The Dead's music mesmerized me! I could feel all my anxiety, pain, fears and heartache just disappear from my body! It was amazing!! What a cathartic release and renewal of my inner soul! Over the years, I have turned to the Dead in times of trouble, deep sorrow and just to energize and feel Grateful for everything wonderful God has brought into my life! It is so difficult to pick just one song!! I love "High on a Mountain", "He's Gone", "Ramblin' Rose", "Truckin' ", "Box of Rain", "Ripple", and "Touch of Grey" just to name a few! I am so grateful to my brother for making me that cassette tape so many years ago!!!! The Dead have gotten me through so many extremely low points in my life and through so many extremely high points in my life! Not to mention just enjoying the music while driving in my car, relaxing on the beautiful beach, hiking in the majestic Blue Ridge Mountains, and listening on my MP3 player riding on the back of our Harley!! Thank you GD for all the healing, relaxing and just plain feeling good!!!!!!

I would never have had the courage to share feelings like this on a website but knowing we are all fellow deadheads here. Reading all the stories of tragedy it is a beautiful thing how the dead have helped so many peoples healing hearts in the hardest of times. March 1, 1999 I was 21 never have seen the dead but was a deadhead to the core my younger brother of two years shockingly ended his own life. When I found him “Like a Road” was playing from Jerry Garcia Band’s how sweet it is album in the back ground it was a tough time. When it came time to pick the music for the funeral my line up was “Broke down palace” “Black Muddy River” and “Like a Road” My family never understood our affinity (my brother cousin and I) for the dead. The preacher even sat me down and had a talk with me about my choice of songs saying he felt the Dead was inappropriate for such a sad time. I did not give I knew what songs needed to be played to send my brother to his final resting place. After the funeral the preacher and most of the attendees came up to me and were blown away by the beauty of the lyrics of such profound songs. My mom finally got it, so much that my brothers head stone reads “Our love will never fade away”. “Like a Road” that tragic day and Jerry’s words and the sound of his guitar will always be there to help me smile in the darkest of days. I would like to thank the Dead for all they have done and I would like to say my heart goes out to everyone, we all share pain and luckily we have the best medicine the joy of music. In loving memory of Chad James Graham 4-21-80 to 3-1-99

This personal account/ farewell is dedicated to mycompanion of 10 plus years-the only girl that has yet been able to make me melt like soft serve ice cream on hot desert asphalt. 2-2-2011 left a hole in my heart as big as the sky. Sasha,let the night air cool us off girl...I see you now as i always have... A beautiful white husky, with custard colored thunderbolts striking through your velvet soft,thick winter coat. My girl has big brown eyes that smile at me as im greeted with a howl "woo woo". All I can say is "woo woo" right back at you girl-I will still sing in the shower, but with out your background vocals its not going to be the same- There you are laying in the yard content to smell the fresh alpine air. The 2 neighborhood deer lay 20 feet away, but there is no chase, oh no my girl, not today. I believe these two deer came to you - either to help show you the way home or just to say goodbye, for your days are close to night. We have been living hard girl, It seems life keeps throwing us beatings, so i know that its time for a deep rest, But don't you worry I will be right by your side. Come on girl, lets get in the truck, Come on girl lets go for one last ride. I am standing alone in the twilight, fresh dirt on my hands- Twilight has become the lonliest time of day. Long may you run girl through the hills at full stride I can see you in the ocean, I can see you by my side. Will you walk with me again my girl? When sleep takes me at night? These years we have spent together forced me to grow up right. Run up ahead girl, go and chase those deer. You never need look back, for I will always be right here. One more mile, girl we are almost home, I'll carry you the rest of the way-I know the years have caught us slow, All you gotta do is lay your head in my hands girl, Close those brown eyes and let this old world go. I pray this beautiful life you lived washes over you like the warmth of my love. Close your eyes girl, its time to go... Laid to rest under the cover of darkness, by my own bare hands On that old westhill, where the west wind blows/ My girl will now rest forever right out side my bedroom window We Johnson boys bury our own. Farewell Mrs. Sasha my truest friend,You were a very good dog! I can't help but to think of these words of robert hunter "10 years ago i walked these streets-I was riding tall. Tonight I would be thankful lord for any dream at all Some folks would be happy just to have one dream come true, but everything you gather is just more that you can loose."

When my son was a baby, he'd usually go to sleep pretty easily. A little "Pat the Bunny," a little "Goodnight Moon," off to sleep. But like all babies, sometimes he just could not settle down at bedtime. When it would get really bad, I'd hold him against my chest and walk around his room while singing "Ripple." I don't know why I chose that song. Maybe because I know it so well, maybe because it's so gentle, maybe it's because you can keep humming the last bars over and over. I don't know. Don't really care. But it worked every time. Every. Time. I tried other songs, other techniques. His mother tried singing "Ripple." Nothing else worked when things were otherwise too far gone. I even saved it for the "bad' nights (like any parent wouldn't give a fortune just to have one of those "bad" nights again), so the song wouldn't lose it's special power.

Ummm...its, not it's ^^^ Sorry, not to minimize any of the far more touching posts on here, but I had to correct that.

I have had depression issues since i was young

I have had depression issues since i was young,attempting suicide,self destructive behavior,distance from loved ones.after a rough period in my mid 20's,i decided to find myself and went over the road trucking.a year and a half basicly by myself,and driving endless hours listening to shows i developed a peace in my soul.To this day if i get down or angry i listen to some dead and it calms me!The music lets me clear my head and let go,so i can get by another day.If i go more then a couple days without listening my head gets cloudy and i get irritable,the old monster peaking through!

Sorry, I'm a "Touch Head..." Touch was the first Dead song I ever heard and remains the song which has gotten me through virtually every tough period in my life since I was 14 years old in '86, "I will get by, I will survive..." In spite of naysayers, that song single-handedly created a whole second-generation of Heads.

My Darling Sugaree, our beautuful tabby cat Sugaree died of kidney faliure last month. It was the hardest decision my husband and myself had ever made to give her peace. We had adopted her in Colorado 11 years ago and moved her back home to California. The night of her passing Furthur was in Colorado and played Death Don't Have No Mercy. The next night they played Sugaree. We have never been so Grateful in our lives when we read the set list. It was so comforting to us to know that our favorite band was playing to the her that weekend. We are Forever Grateful.

I took something at this show that didn't make me feel too well. I had a spot in front on the rail, and the not-so-great feeling hit me during the break. I made it back to the rail & they opened the second set with Help on the Way. During Help on the Way & Slipknot! I was feeling dizzy & weak, like I might pass out. I remember sitting down (hard to believe, being up on the front rail) & I think I even tried to get someone to take me to Rock Med. But... right when they went into Franklin's Tower, suddenly everything was fine and dandy! I shot right up, started to dance & had a great time for the rest of the 3-day run of shows! I think that A major to D major riff was so positive & Jerry was just beaming, so it overpowered the stuff that made me feel sick. Loveya, Jolie Cloud hands reaching from a rainbow Tapping at your window Touch your hair -- Robert Hunter, "Crazy Fingers"

I just shared. Lost it...Hmmmm...wonder what I did wrong?? will re-post Take a min... ;p Peace and LUV, Tofu and Carrots!! ;p

Hey folks. Ever since my older cousins turned me on to them many moons ago, the Dead have generally been the soundtrack to my life, through good and bad. About a year and a half ago, however, I was faced with a pretty frightening bout of depression following the death of my grandpa as well as a fairly debilitating anxiety disorder, both of which left me feeling numb and emotionless in a terrifying way that is hard to explain. Probably the lowest I felt around this time was when I looked up at the "Dead Set" poster I had hanging on the wall, and instead of the usual good memories of concerts being generated, I simply felt empty inside. Considering how much the GD had meant to me up to that point, this pretty much scared the hell out of me. Anyhow, depression and anxiety took me down to absolute rock bottom ... to the point where I often considered taking a long walk of a short cliff. So fast forward to Furthur playing at Lewiston, NY (07/08/10). For months I had had big problems coping with normal life, and would get anxious even going out for groceries. Nevertheless, I forced myself to NY to see this show. At first I wondered how I would feel, (this was my first show since all my issues), but as soon as the first notes of SOTOTW hit my ears and my feet started dancing, I knew that my "old self" wasn't lost for good, but was just hiding for a little while. By the time the guys got through "Man Smart...", I was choking back happy tears. To make a long story short, this much needed emotional boost wasn't the absolute end of my problems, but it was an absolutely vital part of my journey back to feeling better, which is where I am now.

I hardly ever share this story......I guess it would be best to start at the beginning. Summer 1990---- A friend ours came over to ask if we could go down to Indy and pick up another friend of ours, Shannon. We said "sure", loaded the kids up and went the few hours south to Deercreek where he was. We got there the first day of a 3 day show! I always brought plenty of stuff for the kids, so we stayed. I had SO much FUN! I had 2 small children and was 8 months pregnant. Everybody was SO NICE to me! The music, the people, the smells...AND THERE WERE PEOPLE THAT THINK LIKE ME EXISTING ON THE FACE OF THE PLANET!!! I wondered WHY I didn't know WHO the Grateful Dead were. They were playing ALL my favorite songs!! I would ask "who is that?" Grateful Dead. I liked it so much that the next year on Mother's Day, we were in line for tickets. I left the children with a babysitter for the first time. I was having a great time! The kid's dad was hating me. By the end of the show I was afraid to leave with him. I would have rather left with the police! He grabbed me by my hair and throat and started dragging me down the hill. Strangers/Hippies came to my rescue!! They calmed him down, and walked out with us. I wandered out before sunrise at the state park we were camped at, with 'Ripple' playing in my head. I was checking out the cloud above me that looked JUST LIKE a gigantic Steal Your Face made out of little steal your faces. Walked across the road towards a clearing and found a huge flat rock to sit on. I was enjoying the sunrise so much, I went to get my old man, so he could watch it with me and see the cloud. He was still awake, too! He accused me of being off "fooling around', giving jobs, because I was in such a good mood. We were together for a long time. He knew me better than that! I wished I hadn't left the children with a sitter so I could just run away with them and the dead right then!! May 1993 I had decided the children didn't need to see their dad beat me up anymore. I took him to stay with his friends in Detroit for awhile, to get his head together. He had been abusing Xanax and Phenobarbital while drinking since his back surgery and the abuse had escalated. He was suicidal and kept talking about running in front of a semi on the freeway by our trailer park. He ended up in the mental ward, and the kids and I went home to Indiana. I know that no body wants to hear this stuff....But you won't understand without it.... Before I knew it, I was fighting for my rights to raise my own children!!! Their Aunt and Dad had filed unfit parent charges against ME!! I had told him I didn't love him anymore. He had beaten the love right out of me. He had always told me that if I ever left him, he would hunt me down, kill me and live with the kids on the run. I didn't want the kids to have to live with him on the run, but I couldn't be grabbed by the throat or thrown across the living room anymore! I was being accused of abusing, neglecting and molesting my own children that I gave birth to and nursed at my bosom!! I found out that in family court it is your job to PROVE YOUR INNOCENCE They DON'T have to PROVE YOUR GUILT!! I was a basket case! I was lost and didn't know what to do! Being an abused spouse, I had no resources and no friends. I got a full-time job with benefits, a part-time job and a three bedroom apartment. Even met a wonderful, non-abusive, Harley-rindin' man that loved me enough to take the psych evaluation in order to be part of my children's lives. He passed it with flying colors. It was mine they didn't like... *sighs* ;p I could HEAR my children cry! I would know which one was crying, but not know WHY! Couldn't do anything about it because of the restraining order. They were living with their Aunt & Uncle and dad 20 miles away!!! You know that cartoon where they rub their finger on their lips and go "bhrbbrrhbrhhhhbrhbhhbrhb" by rubbing their finger real fast?? I think I was doing that for a few years.... My mother was fighting them for my kids, too. She had built a 5 bedroom house so me and my children an her mother could live in Texas with her. She was shot in the back of the neck by her boyfriend, and was paralyzed from the neck down for the rest of her life. The fact that she was trying to get custody hurt my case. My family all lives in Kansas, so couldn't help. My Father hates me and believed the welfare department. My poor babies were 2, 4 and 6 the last time they lived with me. They never got to see the apartment. My fiance' totaled his Harley and was almost killed. Court was set for Dec. 2 thru 5, 1997. Nov 25th, I believe, my birthday, we returned home from a day in Fort Wayne, IN trying to find a new attorney ( because, my attorney had told me the Saturday before that " I was incompetent and he didn't think I could care for my children" and I thought I deserved better representation!!) to find the note from the sheriff informing me that my rights had been terminated because they had a meeting in the judge's chambers and I wasn't there, so I wasn't co-operating. I tried to appeal but couldn't get an appellate attorney to even return a phone call. I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed... Feb 1998. No chance of appeal. I cried all the time. I got 3 F's and a B the last semester I was in college. It was a group project that got the B. My poor group. I was an A student!! My fiance' and I broke up. They say that with head injuries 98% of couples don't make it....statistics. I was doubly broken hearted. Summer 1998 I had gotten tickets to Deercreek and Michigan summer shows. I took my best friend because I wanted her to see for herself WHY I loved it so. I had discovered that if I just LET GO and SHOOK MY BONES, I could shake all my troubles off of my shoulders onto the ground and DANCE them into OBLIVION!! I could make it through to the next year, just knowing I would get to do it again! It doesn't work without the family's collective consciousness. I would have been doing it all the time!! Met Angel, who needed a ride to California. I walked off of 3 jobs hopped in my little blue Toyota van, "George", I had gotten for 'adequate transportation' and jumped on tour. Angel was no angel and enjoyed flashing truck drivers for a thrill! ;p I was my fist time traveling across the country since I was a child. I have no regrets about going. I wish I would have brought my fiddle and my rainbow vacuum cleaner with me! I always bring my Bible traveling with me, in case I break down and need something to read, so I still have that! I didn't realize that if I left for 2 months I would lose everything I owned. It's only stuff, it's only stuff, it's only stuff I believe that if something is supposed to be yours it will come back to you. Some things, like the quilt my Great-Grandmother made, came back to me. The children's baby books are still MIA. It's only stuff, it's only stuff, it's only stuff... Angel showed me what she knew about surviving on the road. Rest areas that you could sell grilled cheeses and sodas. I took gas riders. By the time we made it to Saint Louis, which I believe was after Michigan, I had been put on "HUG PATROL". I was to make sure that every person I came in contact with had been hugged today. I have good hugs! I realized, from talking to youngsters on tour, that their home life had been so bad that they would rather travel homeless at the mercy of strangers than go back. They needed me saying "Good night, sweet dreams, I love you!" as much as I needed them to say it too!! Several teenagers let me know that no one had EVER told them that before in their life and they kinda liked it. ;p I started adopting family. With the radio rockin' and cassettes rollin' the highway streamed by. We made it to Vermont for the last Bread and Puppets. That was great! Too, bad two jerks had to ruin it!! She led me to my first Rainbow Family Gathering. Rainbow Family love is strong. Helped my soul. I've gotten to see sunsets in the painted deserts and sunrises over the Rockies. I dried my tears on the wind and just kept driving. I saw Father Sky dance with Mother Earth in the form of ONE thunder and lightning cloud sitting and flashing over one mountain in the desert. Clear sky day. "So many roads to ease your soul..." Hawks and Eagles often swoop towards my windshield to show me their wingspan and remind me that I travel with all of Creation. The Great Spirit has shown me wonderful sights to remind me that I am loved. It's hard to see driving when crying. "dry your eyes on the wind...." I let the wind dry my tears and the many roads ease my soul. heh heh...If you want to get bunches of Feds following you around the country, just slap a couple of Grateful Dead stickers on your van and drive around smiling!! I am one of the great pretenders. I can wear a smile through the trenches of sewage! Most of the times I was gnashing my teeth at them! They couldn't tell the difference and I was so MAD about having my children ripped away from me! I could tell which cars were theirs by the license plates. It's a conspiracy, I tell 'ya. I come from a long line of truck drivers. So I just kept driving. Dead show to Dead show. The music touching all the pieces of my fractal-ed heart and soul! Pain so deep it shredded my very foundation of existence...lots of tears to dry. The music played on. Stirring my spirit. My "Medicine Walk" reminded me that I am a 'wind-spirit'. The "Thunder Beings" are my true FAMILY. I remember now that clouds used to form faces that would circle above me and talk about me when I was little. I would rather have the clouds and trees talk about me than people ANY DAY!! I was shown that I am loved by the creations of My Father That Doth Arts in the Heavens! The music was there tying it all together like a big tie-dye tapestry! I hardly ever cry anymore. I let the Thunder, Wind, Rain and Lightning cry for me. It comforts my soul. There is no feeling on EARTH that compares to Lightning "running" on the ground alongside your vehicle! Hair raising experience that will get you all excited! Saw one make a FACE and LOOK at me one night while traveling between shows while driving on dark back roads in Ohio!!!!! Twilight zone stuff....do do do do do do March 2011 I FOUND my children. They are adults. Their stories of all the screwed up things they had to endure and the fact that they weren't raised by me and don't share my morals and values is too much to handle!! I NEED MORE GRATEFUL DEAD!!!!! I have a Grandson that will be 2 in August! I bought a house in Indiana so I can be close to him. I would rather be in sunny California, but ....He is so cute and smart! It hurts. It has been a very long and strange trip!! George had about 119,000 miles when I bought him. He has about 400,000 now. I drove other peoples vehicles around quit a bit as designated driver. ;p I took a break from tour to help take care of my Grandmothers for a few years. I would run away for a month every now and then to catch a few shows or a week for a festival...but, other than that I did every evening and night volunteering. My mother is dead and she would have done it. A year ago on my birthday, my last Grandmother went into a nursing home. I moved. I miss her. I ran over my Sirius radio antenna with my mower last spring and have been without practically since moving. Stupid reel mower wasn't cutting the grass and the antenna wire was so low on the ground..DOH!!. Still works in the cars! CD players don't work here. This computer's cd-rom drive is broken. The dinosaur computer plays CD's, but not while using it for anything else. it's a good thing I found a local radio station that plays the Grateful Dead daily! I am breaking out the cassettes and seeing if this old boombox that has been practically through this whole journey with me will eat them or play! heh heh...I just remembered something funny....;p I had gotten the kid's dad to buy me a Grateful Dead CD. I would turn it up and sing along and the kids and I would dance. I showed them how I liked to spin circles ( I can't dance?) they were naturals! :P One day their dad was so mad at me for GOD only knows what, that he HAMMERED my boom box and CD into little pieces. I came home from work to find the mess. Glad the kids weren't hurt, I cleaned it up. While gathering all the pieces I realized that although he THOUGHT my favorite CD was in the player, "Built to Last" was in it's case on the shelf!! Hehheh! Isn't the Great Spirit AWESOME??? Guess I'm still a 'basket case'! tee hee I carry around a basket of hand wrapped gems and minerals!! ;p They were buried in the earth for so long that they like to get out and see people and sunshine!! I am always glad when they find the person they want to go home with!! I trade for tickets! It's tough being a broke-dick hippie-chick!! Can I say that here?? ehhh, well, Fits A FAVORITE Song?? I am REALLY bad with names from an accident when I was 15.... MAY I PLEASE LISTEN TO THEM ALL AGAIN, BEFORE I HAVE TO PICK ONE????? Pigpen days.....perhaps?? "I Can't Come Down"?? I used to dance on his piano when I was little. He liked beer instead of milk on his cereal. We would play games. He would try to keep up with my toes, I would try to keep up with the music in my head... or Jerry's fingers. I REMEMBER you guys now!! Do you still have MY 'special drum case'?? NO WONDER THOSE SONGS SOUNDED SO FAMILIAR TO ME!!! But that's a different story.... THANK-YOU BOYS IN THE BAND!!! THANK-YOU FAMILY ACROSS THE LAND!! I love you all so much and cannot thank you enough! Until we rock and roll together again, Beep beep and beep beep, Bye! ;p Love Always and Forever from Yvonne Renee' Jordan *AKA* Grateful Spirit of The Winds Peace and LUV, Tofu and Carrots!! ;p

my love, peter, and i were in utah with our two dear friends for what we thought would be a week of hiking and fun. but we found out the day before that peter had deadly brain cancer and were still reeling from this news. it was also the morning of our wedding. we four decided it would be a good thing to go up the mountain and take a hike, which we did. we took a chairlift on the way down, and i began to sing RIPPLE. by the second line, two of us were singing, and by the third, all four of us were singing, as loud as we could. we continued until the song ended, tears streaming down my face, gratitude in my heart for that moment, these friends, my darling man, and all we had shared. the DEAD have always been so special to me, but this sealed the deal.

There are so many ways that "The Music Never Stopped". It started in the 70's with various head issues that the music seemed to pull me through. The fun it enabled me to have. The closeness of the family it brought together. It is what brought me and my husband of 30+ years together. It is what kept all of my friends to this day for that long as well. It is what helped me through losing some of those friends. The Music Never Stopped -- playing them at their funerals to help send them on their way. The music has helped immensely losing my 94 year old father this year. The most wonderful man in my life, who incidently was a "Garcia" as he called him - fan ( another incidental is his hand and Jerry's right hand were "exactly" the same - coincidence?? Hmmm -- soulful I would say). The Grateful Dead music is where it all began and The Music Never Stopped and it will continue Furthur and Furthur and Furthur... For that IamGrateful !!

The Grateful Dead's music as a whole is part of me, I can't say that about any other band, I certainly like other bands and enjoy their music but the Deads music has burrowed into my soul, done a big part in healing it and in turn lives within me. I am extremely Grateful to God that He has led to to the Deads music. Jimmy B.

My memories of this has been jumbled up over time. Please, don't correct me if the facts are wrong as I need this. Here's the way I remember things: I was in Bloomington, IN for a 2 day bike ride. I checked into my hotel on Friday night and drove up to Deer Creek for a show. It was to be weekend of the Dead and cycling. At the show, I called my sister to gloat over seeing the Dead. She cut me short. My Mom had collapsed and been taken to the hospital. She had a brain tumor. I wanted to go home, but was in no shape to drive and needed to be among friends, even if I didn't know them. The only part of the show I remember is the encore, and here's where things get fuzzy. The way I remember it is that the last song of the second set was Not Fade Away. The crowd sang along. The band quit playing and crowd kept singing. The band walked off the stage and the crowd kept singing "You Know Our Love Not Fade Away". This went on for awhile and kept getting louder and louder. Instead of falling apart as most of these things do, the crowd singing kept getting more and more organized and louder. I never sing. This time I was. I felt like my Mom heard and was singing with me. Finally, the band came back. I'm not sure what they did. Checking setlists on line, it seems this happened the previous year at a Deer Creek show I attended. Maybe that dark night, my mind brought out the memory of that previous show, shuffled things around, and gave me the reality I needed, so that is the way I shall remember it, facts be damned. Whether real or the jumbled memory of a previous show, I've hung on to that magical moment. When my Mom was in the hospital with brain cancer and at her funeral, that memory got me through.

I swore they could hear my voice;I learned the fire from the ice as I rode the rising tide; At that point I knew my love would not fade away. I could tell my future too, I looked at what was in my hand. I couldn't stop for nothin'... I started searching for the sound, but never learned how to duck. I became St. Stephens answer and met Jack-A-Roe. Jackie was true to me... then I knew the life I was living was no good, so I got a new start and lived the life I should. Nothing is for certain, it can always go wrong; I get the feelin', I'm going to find out real soon; we will survive!

There are so many stories about the Grateful Dead in my life.... first album when I was 16 years old, seeing them at the world music fest in Jamaica in '82, my wedding song "It must have been the roses", tattoed on my chest. I guess the best story is also my sadest story. After knowing my wife for 28 years married for 24 of them and raising 3 sons with Autism she decided it was time for her to leave us. It was heartbreak for all of us and I found myself wondering why and needing some help to get through the heartache. My absolute favorite song is "Ripple" I have a vision of an unstrung harp rising out of a mountain lake with ripples in the water tattooed on my arm. I think I have listened to every version of this song possible sung by other artists as well. The meaning to me has been so important these past couple years. The song tells me that I need to be able to stand up for myself but still accept help when needed. It also says to me to extend a helping hand to lead another but ultimately if you can't help yourself your will fall alone. After these years of heartache I have been able to fill my cup and move on with life. I will always cherish the life I shared with my ex wife. Even though she isn't part of our daily lives anymore we are starting new as a family of 4 dudes. Life brings us to many places and gives us many things to reflect on..... indeed what a long strange trip it's been. Thank God for The Grateful Dead. The songs and memories have kept me happy inside and pulled me through some rough times.Mark......Dadof3auts....Must have been My tunes were played on the harp unstrung.

I'm a psychotherapist, and I've been through emotional hell myself, and the Dead have, of course, been *very* important to me throughout, so this topic carries a lot for me. I'm happy this topic came up especially because of one relevant experience I had about 8 weeks ago involving PTSD and healing with the Grateful Dead. First off, "I was born in a desert, raised in a lion's den." I grew up in a sort of post-apocalyptic world behind nice suburban walls. Since then I've had intrusive thoughts about various ways that civilization can end, Mad Max kind of stuff. Really unpleasant at times. Eight weeks ago I was in NYC doing some excellent advanced psychotherapy training, far from home, away from my family. It was winter, there was a massive blizzard and now my flight home was cancelled. On the first day of my trip I'd gotten a GI bug and had limped between "pit stops" every couple of hours through classes and Manhattan. I was pretty deeply bummed. Worse, I was having these horrible intrusive thoughts about what if power went out -- like all electricity in North America and how would I get home to my family? The thoughts also were peopled by marauding, sadistic gangs (ala my childhood). I cataloged my wool clothes, my food, possible routes, how could I navigate, wondering if I'd die before I made it home. Intrusive thoughts are a bitch because they don't let up and make you feel like crap and cloud your vision of what's in front of you. I was riding the subway that night to the Upper West Side and my music player was on random. "Crazy Fingers" from Beacon Theatre, NYC, June 14, 1976 came on. I realized that my train was going to go past the Beacon Theatre in a couple of stops. I decided to take a tip from the syncronicity and get off and have a look. I wound up then sitting on the bench in the little triangle park across the street from the Beacon Theatre listening to the June 14th show and feeling deep, abiding relief and contentment and even joy. New York City is of course a very hard place to make people do a double take. One way to do it: be simply happy and let it show on a bench in the depth of winter on a random week night. I decided to myself then in front of the Beacon Theatre to face the hell I'd been through as a child and to face the uselessness and pain of the intrusive thoughts I was having. I rejected them. I made a deal with myself: if I can't do anything practical or political about a problem, then I'm not spending my precious time with it in my mind. It was really turning a corner for me and I could feel it deeply. I wept in anger and compassion and relief. Right then random on my music player kicked in -- of course -- "Morning Dew." Yeah, a real live post-apocalyptic song. I decided I had to again go with the syncronicity and roll with it. So I jammed down Broadway defying the intrusive thoughts to come up even with Jerry Garcia intoning the words, as I take it, of the last person alive on earth. Even with that, or because of that, I could feel my strength growing and sort of dance along with no real fear. Again, a real corner turned. My relationship with the intrusive thoughts and PTSD symptoms has been deeply changed. I learned a lot that night and I've been able to share it with my patients when appropriate and they've benefited greatly.

Of all the songs the Dead, the one that really is my personal favorite is "Fire On The Mountain. From that moment I heard it on Dead Set on cassette,with that incredbile,beautiful,melodic intro,I was hooked.But what really spoke to me was the second verse,and I bless the muse who gave Robert those lines to,,it has been a mantra for me when things got tough and when things were just clicking and ever thing was going right. I will admit that when Dead.net was forming and you could create a name,I choosed Dragon With Matches that's is why I love FOTM.For years,my self confident wasn't there, I saw it and felt it but it would turn out to be a shadow of what I confidence is. In the summer of 2008, I took a camp in British Columbia,in days that followed I literally and figuratively grew and it was that second verse that healed me and helped me completely,it was no longer a line of hopefulness,it has now became a line of certainty.And for that I express my deepest and most grateful gratitude to that band beyond description. Thank You Jerry,Phil,Brent,Vince,Pig,TC,Bill,Mickey,Robert and Bob

To the Grateful Dead Family, Like many, the music, attitude, and lifestyle of the Grateful Dead has been an inspiration to me for many years. This inspiration has driven me to make my own life as a creative person. To live as free as I can and experience adventure at virtually any cost. I make movies and television shows for a living and write and perform my own music for fun. I strive to be a good person and to treat others as I would like to be treated. This past Summer, I took my wife, 6 months pregnant at the time, to her first show. (Furthur in Columbus, OH) I was very happy to be able to expose both she and our unborn son to the experience. This was our first pregnancy and Ripple had become the boy's official "theme song" during it. I often played the song for him on my guitar or with headphones on my wife's belly. The words of the song took on such a wonderful context during this time. We were so excited to be parents. So hopeful of what was to come. Late in the evening of July 31, 2010, my wife went into labor five weeks early. She'd had a perfect pregnancy and we were told all systems were go so we weren't particularly nervous to be a bit early. After several hours of labor we crossed into August 1. Although the 31st was my wife's birthday, I now knew our son would be born on yet another very special day. At 1:30am on August 1, Leo Knutson was born. Because he was early we knew he'd immediately be rushed off to receive some precautionary care. We caught a quick glance and he was off. Nearly 45 minutes later we were given the news that Leo was born with Down Syndrome and was having a very hard time breathing. We had no idea. We were broken beyond how I can explain in this short note. The next eight weeks were spent mostly in the hospital as Leo fought to gain strength. Test after test, procedure after procedure.There were a couple of very close calls but, eventually, we made it out. He remains on oxygen and has a feeding tube but his development and strength are coming along. We are hopeful that the 02 and tube are temporary. Today, at nearly 8 months old, Leo is an absolute joy. He smiles, tracks, moves and is unbelievably calm and happy given everything he's dealt with. What is particularly amazing about him is his reaction to music. I haven't seen the movie yet (there's a screening here in Indianapolis tomorrow night) but I must say that I could vouch for the power of music in this context. We still play Ripple amongst many other tunes for him. (As a father, Box of Rain has particular meaning to me.) It took a long time for us to be able to get through hearing it without breaking down completely but now we just smile, smile, smile. The words have found new meaning once again. We've drawn an incredible amount of strength from all of this. Isn't simply amazing how that can happen in life? Thank you all for everything you do. It means the world to us. Matt, Laura & Leo Mays Indianapolis

Every song of The Grateful Dead has filled me with inspiration, wonder, excitement, serenity, exuberance sometimes even all at once through the years. Off the top of my head, the first time I heard "Wharf Rat", I was stunned into stillness. This story of woe and redemption still fills me such hope. It definitely has and continues to help color bleak days. I am so exited to catch this new film, "The Music Never Stopped" because I too found a bridge to connect with my father, though it wasn't specifically through The Dead, rather through Garcia and David Grisman's work together. My father worked as an electrician at Madison Square Garden from the 1960s through 2005 so worked with the band through most if not all of their concerts held there. When I was 14 years old, I asked my dad if he could get me a ticket to go see this amazing band whom I discovered from a local radio station. His immediate response was, "Are you fucking crazy? Do you know what they do at these concerts? They inject stuff into their coke cans! They dance without their shoes!" Needless to say, I did not score tickets, though I did secretly go to a show at the Meadowlands two years later. Many years later, I came home from work and my father normally a stoic presence excitedly told me about a movie he caught that day called "Grateful Dawg". He declared, "I never knew Jerry Garcia played this kind of music!" I smiled and we attained an understanding, a broadening of perspectives. He also said that the Dead were one of the hardest working bands, practicing all the time at MSG while there for shows. It was a slight interchange between my dad and I but still resonates so brilliantly.

There have been so, so many chapters and shows over the decades, encompassing life's milestones.....I think for me, it is the sense of oneness and peace within the deadhead community during shows. Regardless of whatever was going on in individual lives, or the world, wherever in the world we were, just entering those heavenly gates to the shows would melt all troubles away - sharing that special bond with what has become a second "family". The older I get, the more important these events have become - and sharing them with other enlightened souls is as close to nirvana as I'll probably ever get.Thank you, Jerry, Phil, Bobby, Mickey, Bill, Pigpen, Keith, Brent, Vince, Bruce......for being such an important, positive influence in my life! We love you!

January 2009 I received a diagnosis of prostate cancer, April 2009 surgery followed up by 36 sessions of radiation therapy. What got me throught this was listening to my dead collection on the iPod. Especially 1-20-78 Eugene Oregon and the entire 2nd set. How could that "close encounters" not be one of the best guitar jams by Jerry is beyond me. For those that might have experience at cancer surgery and radiation they would know that keeping your mind in the right place is key to making it through this. Grateful Dead was my key and I have no doubt getting lost in the music helped me to get through some pretty sick and rough times in my life. Thank you to all of the band members for helping me through my personal time of crisis. You guys are the best!!

My life with my father had always been a contentious one, mostly nonverbal. We just never spoke to one another. When he retired from the Postal Service, he also retired from life. In 1991, he ditched all of his heart meds, told me to butt out of his life, and proceeded to just life his life the way he wanted.When I moved to Tucson in 1988, I barely rolled into town and heard "Touch of Grey" for the first time on one of the stations there, and just started to cry. The lyrics, "I see you got your fist out, say your peace and get out..." hit me as the very emotion my dad had always wanted to tell me, but didn't. I pulled off the road and hit a payphone, just to call him and tell him something I never told him before. He answered, and I blurted out, "I love you, dad, just thought you should know." He said, "I know. Here's your mom." From that moment on, life between us changed dramatically, but not enough to sustain even a friendship. He died in 1999, but every time I hear "Touch of Grey," I remember him, and smile through the day. Thank you, Jerry and Bob, for the song. It's what bonded dad and me for just awhile.

The Dead has helped me heal more times than I can count! Their music reaches out to me when I am down and offers a hand and says "I know what you mean, I've been there my friend", then it gently lifts me until I am dancing on air. The first time I really got into the Dead's music was about 1981 and I had a vicious hangover. I was in college and someone in a room down the way was playing American Beauty. The music gently drifted in and made me feel so so much better. From then on I got really curious and the rest is history! Thank you boys for making life a little easier!!!Phil

If you re read the directions I believe there are certain dates that allow you to submit March 21 and April1st

That's easy. 30 years ago this year, my mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer and given just weeks to live. Then my grieving dad died completely unexpectedly, and my mom then passed three days later. Orphaned! But while growing up I spent every summer up in my family's cabin along the Delaware River and many a day sitting on the shore with that river, well, er, just "shimmering." The song? Brokedown Palace. It got my brothers and I through those days of heartache. Can't wait to see the film. “Fare you well, fare you well I love you more than words can tell Listen to the river sing sweet songs to rock my soul.”

...that my back might need protection." On December 1st 1996 Noah was born after a wonderful healthy pregnancy. Natural birth with no drugs for pain. Two very strong midwives in Encinitas, California. With my then husband Rich and my best friend in the world Lori there to coach me through the 36 hours of labor and delivery. I was ready for my Althea to be with me and nurse and cuddle and in delerium of the endorphines I first heard"it is a B-O-Y?!? OK so he is not Althea? Then suddenly the room went hush, the baby came over to me and then the midwife took him back. "Wait?" No he stays here we agreed he would just be placed with me right away. Then I look at Rich and he said something through tears that made no sense, then the midwife shook her head and I just could not understand what she was saying. The Lori's alarm came through, "Amy he cannot breath but I swear I heard him say "help me" they will take him to Children's hospital" What? WHAT!? I just could not understand.... Then seconds later Noah and Rich were gone in an ambulence, in a flash. I went through the motions of the afterbirth and in a clear voice Mimi and Elyse my midwives told me what Noah was born with. Spina Bifida, and I knew almost nothing about it. Noah had a hole in his back at the L5S1 level. A collapsed lung, an swollen head, a full head of black hair 8 pounds and 10 ounces,and he was born under a fire sign with five more in his birth chart and the spirit of that song..."Althea told me OK that's fine, and now I am tryin' to catch her" On the way to Children's Hospital in San Diego Lori turned on the tape player and the music rocked my worried soul with the sweet words I so needed to hear. It was a show from the Oakland Col. just a few years prior to that day. "I told Althea I was feelin lost,lacking in some direction. Althea told me upon scrutiny that my BACK might need protection." I started crying like I never had and Lori was screaming at me "Hey! You cannot break down now! Hey!" I stopped and looked at her and she pulled over and hugged me for a long time. I knew that Noah would be just fine, he is my Althea and a blessing in my life. I am always learning more about people may have disabilities but that does not make them disabled! Healing is most about faith and all the years of joy dancing loving to go to a show so much that I was still mourning for the loss of in 1996 filled me up with grace and hope and strength. As for Noah, his back was closed with surgery, he had a shunt placed to drain fluid from around his brain.I took him home after 4 weeks in the NICU at SD Children's. He has some issues that have been a struggle but he always finds his way. He started walking at age 3.5 years, he has had bladder surgery to protect is kidneys, he has had multiple surgeries to fix his shunt. He has 20/20 vission in one eye and 20/200 in the other. School is not easy for him but he has achieved grade level ability and socially well maturity will bring the other kids around. He even was stricken with meningitis which knocked him down hard 2 years ago. He beat it! He is now 14 and will graduate 8th grade in June. He will start at Credo High in September 2011. He is involved with the Marin Shakespeare Teen Touring Company, and he loves music and has been to a few concerts(Phil and Friends,Indigo Girls,Spearhead,Phish) The words and melody of Althea will forever be a source of healing and peace for me, and Noah. "There are things you can replace and others you cannot, the time has come..." Thank You! Jerry,Bobby,Phil,Mickey,Billy and Brent,and Vince, and Bruce, and Donna, and Keith and Pig Pen....and Owlsley,and all the rest who made for me growing up in the 70's and 80's the best fun I could have ever had. The memories always are medicine when ever I feel things are too harsh. The energy of the music and the memory of the feeling of being at a show twirling and floating on the notes. I am so lucky thank you! Trade your hopes for joy! Love Amy and Noah!

I've been very blessed, so The Grateful Dead was more of a "preventive medicine" for me then a healer. In tough times they prevented me from going into depression. They taught me the exercise and power of dance. They opened my eyes to healthy living, karma, and giving. They brought on the "party when I needed it most." The song "Comes a Time", "helped me make it somehow, on the dreams I still believe..." not to give them up..." And when "I felt so much pain"... they reminded me that "the day may come when you can't feel it all." Thank you Grateful Dead for all the healing music. Thank you Robert Hunter and all the other Grateful Dead songwriters for all those inspiring words and music.

my first and best memories of lisening to the dead we`re with my uncle joe. He started me at the age of 5 , from playing dead music with his band in the garage in my back yard to bringing me to concerts in jersey. He would send me postcards from the many places he had been following the band around and telling me he wishes i was there but my mom would`nt let me go he was many things to me a father that i really never had , a first friend , one day he had called me on christmas telling me how much he missed me a could`nt wait to tell me all about he adventures with the band but it never happened becaues on january 19, 1993 they found him dead of an overdose he was only 40 yrs. old i am 44 now i still miss him alot but when i hear the dead it does`nt make me sad well maybe a little it brings a smile to my face because i know he`s there next to me dancing his dacnce keeping an eye on me, i have a tattoo on my back a tribute to him and the greatful dead your band made a great person very happy and i could never repay you for that thank you from the bottom of my heart.

When I was 22 years old I flew to Richmond, Indiana to visit my girlfriend for Valentine's day. It was a nice trip, filled with fun and love, (You don't know how easy it is to love you!) But I was ill for all of the three days I was there. Upon returning home to Palo Alto I went from bad to worse. I was very fatigued, I couldn't eat and turned a very ugly yellow-grey color. After a misdiagnosis of hepatitis and collapsing in a blackout at my mom's home I was taken by ambulance to Stanford Hospital and then to Valley Medical in San Jose. I had no medical insurance ( The people might know, but the people don't care that a man can be as poor as me.) It was four days with a failing liver, five blood transfusions, dozens of blood draws and top doctors not knowing what was wrong with me. "Did you eat any mushrooms?" "Well, not any poisonous ones lately!" Even though I was fading fast, I kept some faith that I wouldn't die ( . . . I will get by, I will survive). Day five in the hospital - I'm now a sickly yellow-green-grey and down 25 pounds to 118. That day an intern saw copper ring deposits on my cornea and made the diagnosis: Wilson's Disease! A very rare genetic disorder where you don't metabolize copper and it stores in your liver causing neurological problems and death. Without a new liver I'd be brain dead in 48 hours. And all this time my mom thought brain death was CAUSED by the Dead! I was transferred up to California Pacific Medical Center in San Francisco, where one of the top transplant teams in the nation awaited me and hoped for a miracle matching liver. As I was lying in the back of the ambulance for the drive from San Jose to San Francisco I thought ". . . I'll just take a little rest." (To lay me down, one last time, to lay me down). I awoke two days later in the ICU at California Pacific sore as I've ever been with tubes coming out of everywhere and hallucinating like crazy due to the lack of liver function and ammonia build up in my blood. I saw monkeys coming out of the ceiling and demon heads staring at me from shelves. "Good thing I took all that acid or I'd be pretty freaked out right now!" A woman in Modesto crashed her car two days earlier. She happened to be 22 years old, she happened to have A- blood (1 in 16 chance) and she happened to have Spanish heritage. She was a perfect match and I now have her liver (There she goes and now here he starts - hear him cry!) My girlfriend came to San Francisco to bury me or heal me (When I had no wings to fly, you flew to me, you flew to me, to me). I had the same doctors who gave Stanley Mouse his new liver. My friend, Kathy, brought me my walkman and the first music I heard was Live Dead from Shoreline 8-18-91. First song: Samson and Delilah. One of my favorites because it's a great story about a man being made weak and then gaining strenth and rising up again. Check out this show - it's a great one from the Welnick/Hornsby days. I had not bathed in three weeks and the first shower I took was incredible (Will not speak, but stand inside the rain and listen to the thunder shout: I am, I am, I am . . . I AM!) I can't put into words the gratitude I have for her and for all organ donors (. . . Statements just seem vain, at last - some rise, some fall, some climb to get to Terrapin) (I love you more than words can tell) so I just share my life and my story with those I love and with strangers I meet, knowing it wouldn't be possible without her donation of love and hoping it will help to create more organ donations and save more lives. And consider we wouldn't have Phil, Mouse or David Crosby without organ donations! I now have a wonderful wife (whom I met seven years reborn), two young daughters (. . . Where does the time go?) and a beautiful scar on by belly that reminds me how lucky I am and how prescious life is. So fill out those donation cards! Don't leave this world without giving your body to those who need it. (Everybody's playing in the heart of gold band). You can LITERALLY create life with your death (One man gathers what another man spills). Personally, when my time comes (When you hear that song - comes crying like the wind) I plan to give this liver to someone who really needs it and s/he can live and love one more day and feel the gratitude I do (Here comes sunshine!) Much love to you all!

i was raised going to church every sunday and am very grateful for this for it put in motion this whole journey. Music is special in my family, we have a really nice stereo that was custom made, only two in the world and my aunt and uncle have the other one! now someone handed me a joint when i was 14 and then LSD at 15 and things got very interesting, this was in the late 60's when the cost of a concert ticket was under 5 dollars, well, i saw them all,cream, hendrix,doors, yes, dylan n the band, small faces, you name it, well, my friends and i began dosing once a week and sometimes going places and times staying home and sharing records, listening while flying and we all came to the same conclusion that the Grateful Dead were the best music to trip with...very comfortable and way high, i mean... the dead took us on journeys you would not believe. After spending a few years in big sur i started traveling to the california shows to see the shows and be with all the beautiful people, and you are all so beautiful, my spirit took a big jump in 89, i went down to the riverchurch in big sur... well... went in to have a word with the lord and he told me to get out of that building and come down to the river. this had never happened before though i stopped going to church when i was 15, i felt ok in a "house " of the lord, but this day,i sat down in what turned out to be stickers... and i had lots of them in my hands and looked up and cried to God whats it all about and this light appeared, Way brighter than the sun and the stickers just fell out of my hands and i heard a childs voice across the river in the redwoods say Jesus. When word got out, before i new it i was at shoreline and these two angels came to me with this crystal, now i was two feet off the ground for the river experience, these fellows let me hold this crystar and i first felt like a flag on a windy day, but made sure of my footing came another foot higher! The Grateful Dead to me is, was, and always will be Gods House Band, they are the Only Band That i know of and at 56...i know i'm a youngster and i feel like one too and i am just learning but there is alot more going on than what society is willing to deal with but guess what.. Hey Now, i say its time for alittle changing of the guards as it were, Love With All Your Hearts EveryLiving Thing in Gods Creation, Help Save this Earth from the poisoning of our air and water and help clean this counties karma by shuting down the war machine, one planet, spinning around the sun, loving all,all loving, Remember... Love Is IT. this is why the Dead is Gods house band and i know i Love Everyone of you, so the next furthur show buy an extra ticket so evryone gets in and God Bless You All, see you at the shows... my church!

I'm somewhat of a history buff and there has always been a line from a GD song that (first) reminded me of the American Revolution and (later) got me through some tough times..."their walls are built of cannonballs, their motto is "Don't Tread on Me"...(Uncle John's Band). So much so that I purchased a replica of the Gadsden flag. By the way, I'm still here, you bastards!

When I went through the illnesses and deaths of both my parents (one at a time a few years apart), I found myself driving back and forth between New Mexico and Illinois a few times with a lot of time, too much time, to think and also time to process all that was going on. Nothing worked to calm me and give me the energy I needed during those drives like some live shows. The one that sticks out was after my Mom, the last to go, died. I spent some time with my siblings going through two lifetimes worth of stuff and figuring out what to do with it. And finally it was time to drive back to NM. I just felt empty and put on some music that I didn't really hear. Then as I approached a stretch of road along the Mississippi River, Black Muddy Water came on. I broke down and cried, a much needed release - but by the end of the song I was heading into that transition from mourning the loss to celebrating the life. It was sort of a solitary Dia de los Muertos! I had liked that song, but never felt all that attached to it. Since that day it means something very special to me and I go back to it sometimes to pick up the vibe.

In preparation of my marriage, I was given the task to create our wedding program if thats what you call the thing. On the back of it, I used a sillouette of a VW bug and included the saying "May the Four Winds Blow you Safely Home" for thanking everyone who had traveled several miles to join us on that day. Needless to say things didnt work out quite as planned. The bug was gone and became a bus. 1st a 72 camper then came a son, then it became a '67 bus and a daughter came. The relationship became last priority and we became better friends than as a married couple. Very confusing time. Franklin's Tower -"If you get confused just listen to the Music Play" helped me then and when Jerry passed it helped me even more. It was very difficult to process never being able to run into friends on the road and to this day some of them I never saw again. One of those friends who I did manage to stay in touch with would often help me with my bus. Glenn with (2) N's was a mechanic at the local BMW Mini Cooper shop and loved VW's! He and I would work on them and recant stories of tours past. One day while on the road, I called my buddy Glenn and his brother answered. "Im sorry to be the 1st to tell you this, but my brother died last night" The shock was unbearable! I had a sales meeting in 10 minutes and while making the sale literally fell apart sobbing afterwards. Back home riding my bus around town I smile whenever I hear a Franklin's and feel solace whenever I hear these (2) above mentioned lyrics. Thank you Robert Hunter and the Dead for helping me then, now and in the future.

Unfortunately, I don't know if words alone could describe the way this music has helped me through my life (and continues to). In any case, surely I'm not articulate enough to write it down. Why it chose me I'll never know. I had no Deadhead friends, didn't even know another deadhead at the time I got IT. My parents were Irish music fans. I would go to shows at the Meadowlands alone for fear and getting ridiculed by my metal head friends. To this very day, 26 years later, I still do not have a single Deadhead friend. To say the least, my friends and family were never quite sure what to make of me (and still aren't). Nor am I for that matter. Dozens and dozens of people I've tried to turn on to the music and (hopefully) into my new Dead friend, to no avail. So the music, quite literally, has kept me company through the years, allowed me to be myself, and never once asked me the question "why?".

In 1992, my father was diagnosed with cancer. Less than two months later, I got that call we never want to get. "Come home now, your Dad is really bad." I drove 23 hours straight through, the whole while listening to the 84 New Years shows on the old cassette deck. I arrived at the hospital in the middle of the night, and the nurses said he had been asking for me, waiting for me. I spent time with my Dad that night and before he slipped into a coma, he said to me "I have to go now, but wherever I go, I'll be right here near you..." . Lo and behold, on my way home from the hospital that day, I Will Take You Home came on the radio. I cried so hard I had to pull over. Your daddy's gonna be right here beside you If your fears should start to get inside you I will take you home My father died one week later. Little did I know that my father had his own copy of that album, as well as Old and In the Way...I still have those cassettes that we found in his truck. I had been seeing the Boys since 83, and my father always disapproved. Little did I know... Whenever I listen to the Dead since then, I always think about my father and what an incredible person he was. And I always know that he is right here beside me... Saw Further the other night in NYC and Box of Rain brought me to tears thinking about him...

For as long as I can remember, music has always been a source of joy, healing and comfort for me. From Mozart to the Dead, it always has made a bad day better or a stress or trial pass a little bit easier. I think for me though, experiencing the music of the Grateful Dead live in person is the most healing and joyful musical experience that I have had in my life. To feel the joyful vibes and the happiness that the music brings to my fellow Deadheads and to feel the same in me is an elixir that cannot be duplicated. The music just taps into this energy that I cannot explain and have yet to experience anywhere else, it touches you and you just feel a transformation going on inside that bounces around and raidiates outward. Thank you guys for searching for that sound and finding it again and again, it means so much. Inspiration, move me brightly.

On August 7, 2004, a Saturday morning, I lost my father to cancer. My world had just been ripped out from under me, and I was reeling. It all seemed too surreal and I needed an escape. I went upstairs and tried to figure out what was going ...on. Music has always been a healing force with me, and today needed something special. I do not remember just what show it was, probably something from '73 or '74, but as the crowd cheer came up around me and the tinkling tuning began I was slowly losing the utter pain and anguish that had engulfed my morning. The rolling intro to Jack Straw sent chills down my spine and I remembered that after my friend had passed a year earlier I had gone to the Dead for help also. My dad had been there and understood that I needed to be alone with my thoughts and music. Now, this same thing was happening and the similarities were insane. Slowly as the music swept over me, I began to think of the good times, the smiles the adventures, instead of thinking of the negative, the sadness...it truly was a magical experience. I remember watching a bumble bee alighting on a branch of a tree, just outside the window I was gazing out of, and it seemed to be "dancing" to the music, flying in circles, darting in and out of sight. I would almost forget about it, then quietly the bee would come back to mind...everything seemed so peaceful and calm. After an hour or so, as the first set slowly came to an end, I was ready to go back and face the world. Friends and family began to arrive and I was ok. Two days later, as I took a walk outside the funeral home, needing to get a breath of air during the wake, I realized the date and just where I was standing. The green across from me was the same green that 9 years to the day earlier I stood, young and upset for one of the hundreds of spontaneous gatherings for Jerry on August 9, 1995. The memories all came flooding back, and I couldn't help but smile. There will be sad times and things will be hard again, that is just life. However, I know just what I can do to take the stress, the pain, all the sorrow away, even if just for a brief moment in time. Life is a complex amalgam of pain and light, tears and joy, and if while traveling along I get confused I know can just listen to the music play. r.i.p Dad.

When I was a child, I loved to dance. However, life happened and I lost my way and I forgot how. After I was turned onto the Dead three years ago, I remembered how much I loved to let go and lose myself in the music. Thanks Jerry!

brokedown palace sat. 9-midnight mountain time KAFM Grand Junction, ColoradoMy first job was at Alpine Valley Music Theatre in Wisconsin. Anyone who has been around awhile knows of the legendary shows of the late eighties. I was blown away by the people i met during those shows and my life as a depressed, suicidal teenager was changed for the better as i ran away from home and got on the bus. I don't think any of the people that helped me out along the way knew they had saved my life. It wasn't a song but the scene that saved me. Now, fast foward to the present day. Just as my wife of ten years was filing for divorced, the radio station i am a programmer at asked me to join the crew of an on going Grateful Dead show that had been on air for over ten years. The same music that brought the people together who saved me has now saved me once again. I am privilaged and honored to share my collection of shows with the liseners of my local community radio station ever Saturday night. During that three hour show, the darkness of my failed marriage and the fact i rarely see my children and all the pain involved with it all goes away for a brief moment and i am able to find the strength to live another week. I even had David Gans on my show the other night. I love this music that brings all together but more importantly, it feels like the music always loves me back. " Row Jimmy Row, gonna get there, i don't know....." " a broken heart don't feel so bad, ain't got half of what you thought you had......"

I was a teenager working, dealing with a mother dying of cancer, and going to school. Touch of Grey made an impression and helped me through many a tough day. There is good and bad in life(every silver lining's got a touch of grey). Knowing I would survive and get by and could sing those lyrics loudly and proudly helped me get through each and every day! Thank you to the Dead for making that and many other fabulous songs with meaning! Also loved, loved, loved the movie! I have seen it twice already! Connection and survival, no matter what!

Before this show I was a shy, lonely, virginal college kid. I had very low self esteem, basically didn't like myself very much. Had never really dated, and to my shame never slept with a woman. Then a 'tab' and Estimated. It felt like a mental eggshell cracked open and I screamed "I LOVE MYSELF!!", tears of joy, danced my face right off of my head. True catharsis Two days later I asked a girl I liked to my room. She sweetly and kindly made love to me, astonished Id never done this before. We dated and went to several Shows together 250 Shows later I'm still a Deadhead and while I miss Jerry keep seeing the "Boys" and experiencing the joy of the music and the community, even those younguns who could be my grandchildren. Thanks Grateful Dead for changing my life forever.

where to start.....it was jamcruise 9 where the music energy was flowing....looking out at the water i put my hand on my stomach and said to myself "what if i have cancer, how would i live my life" - a strange thought for me.....so i came home and made doctor appointments-- my brother had died at age 47 within weeks of being diagnosed with a strange form of nueroendocrine colon cancer.........so i had a colonoscopy-- all went well, so i said to myself "what a nutty thought i had on the ship".......but "when life looks like easy street there is danger at your door "........on febuary 18 i went for a routine GYN exam and everything went nuts....they sent me for ultrasound,suspecting ovarian cancer....by Monday i was all set for surgery at Sloan Kettering....they thought all would be ok but on march 1st, after, as they called it, the big surgery, the pathology came back as 3 individual primary cancers- ovarian,fallopian tube, endometrial - i was told Sloan had never seen any case like this and "we are in unchartered territory"........the good news was all were stage 1, all 53 lymph nodes they removed were clean (thank you Jerry)......the docs were shocked by the early detection for all 3 (another rare event), which would not have happened if not for my crazy thought on jamcruise - "once in awhile you get shown the light in the strangest of places if you look at it right"....... so the Furthur tour was supposed to start for me march 8 in wallingford- but it was not possible......i had so much love and "help on the way" to get me to a show...my friends succeeded in getting me to the best buy on march 12-- "just one thing i got to say, i need a miracle every day"........lots of pain, hadn't even sat for any length of time until that night, the magic of the show started my healing as nothing else could......i ended up going to 10 shows with a lot of "help on the way" from my wonderful friends who rallied around me.....i cry when i think of all the love and support this Dead community has to give..........i received so many amazing answers during the music but most of all, it took my fear and turned it into gratitude-- i cry a lot because i am so grateful to Jerry and the Grateful Dead, The Dead, Phil and Friends, and Furthur.....don't know how i would have made it through...........on march 30th 2011, 4 weeks after "the big surgery" i went to Sloan for follow up and my doc said she has never seen such healing....she said she wanted to take a photo of me to use as a poster for the hospital; that i made her job as an oncologist worthwhile......i am now facing chemo and radiation, trying to figure out dates so i don't miss summer tour because "the music never stopped", and i know "i will survive" .......at the tower on tues. march 22, 2 days before my birthday, i go in early to avoid the crowd and 3 guys are sitting in front of me...one is telling his friend " my wife just finished chemo and radiation" and he was excited that she was coming next night- i told him i was going to be facing the same thing and he turns around, points his finger and says"you are going to make it, you will survive, you will have a sense of humor,you will lose your hair and put smiley stickers on your scalp, but you will make it.....that helped reduce my terror more than i can say....don't know who that Deadhead is but i can't thank him enough....i keep remembering his words, you will make it, you will survive.......thank you to all -- "life may be sweeter for this, i don't know....see how it feels in the end".......we are all so lucky to be a part of this community........

when my golden retriever died when i was 21 and a senior in college after having her since i was in the 4th grade, i made a cathartic dead mix CD with 'broke-down palace', 'ripple', 'to lay me down', 'black muddy river', 'box of rain', 'comes a time', 'china doll', 'he's gone', 'it must have been the roses' and a few other melancholy yet beautiful tunes to help me get a good cry out of my system and i'm extremely grateful to this day that the dead were able to help me through it. :) ☮& ♥

Wow....I have seen a lot of shit go down at shows over the years, but never have I witnessed anything like last night at a Furthur show during the set break in Pittsburgh. While waiting in line for a beer (4 stories up from sidewalk inside the arena) near an escalator, minding my own business, I heard what sounded like someone dropped a glass bottle onto asphalt. As I turned around to see the lower pane of glass busted through, I begin to hear women saying "Oh My God" Oh My God"...so what do I do? I go over to where it happened, and looked down to the sidewalk....big mistake. A 19 year old man named Joseph Kimutus busted through the window, and fell 50 feet to his death. The details from here are sketchy, and since I only heard it, and didn't see it happen, I cannot begin to offer an eye-witness account....some people say he got into a 3-point football stance, yelled "hike" and dove through. Other eye witnesses said it didn't go down like that. All I know is that it was enough to make me want to leave the scene (for good). However, I didn't..at least yet. The boys came through to help restore souls, and take everyones' mind off it. Don't know if they were told about it at the break, but my heartfelt prayers and thoughts are with his Dad (who was attending the show with him), his mother, and their family in the Pittsburgh area. Words cannot express my deepest sympathy for The Kimutus family. My hope and prayer is that music, more importantly, God will help heal their family. . Salmon Will.

I'm going to see Furthur with my 2 sons at Hampton today. I heard about this yesterday. I'm sure this will be in the back of mind tonight at the show. My thoughts and prayers are with the family! Healing vibes being sent out to all!