Comments

sort by
Recent
Reset
  • johnman
    Joined:
    "You almost HIT me...
    wif that dang bus, you longhaired, walleyed, tie-dyed, yurt smellin', mare's milk slurpin', monkey lovin', goofy-ass FREAK!!......and you KNOW why I slugged ya!!!" Bertha exclaimed.. "Just wait'll I get a hold of RIPPLE, and THEN you'll see some.......some......dammit, Hippy...where have you been?"
  • johnman
    Joined:
    Native tongue.....
    heeheeeee!!!!...THAT'S rich....
  • gratefaldean
    Joined:
    Bertha (the woman)
    Looked at the implements of destruction in horror, and shouted to the group, "W - What'you think you're doing to my wheatfield, you BOZOs?" Ripple looked up to see a woman with oddly familiar- looking luminous blue eyes and an expression on her face that suggested it wasn't going to be smiling anytime soon. "The monkeys," he said, "We need a place to land them." "Take those THINGS, and stuff them back up the butt of that BUS," she shouted. "The monkeys know what to do!" Bertha (the van)'s passengers weren't exactly observant after they'd fallen out of the sky -- who would be after an experience like that? Scattered around Bertha's field were T-shaped posts that rose above wheat. Sure enough, the lead monkey swooped down and landed on the tallest of the perches, and his crew soon followed suit. To be sure there were a couple of shaky landings, and at least one monkey missed his perch altogether and plowed into the ground with a thud. For his part, Hippy actually knew exactly where he was, and he'd stood frozen, eyes downcast, with his back to the rest of the group. He finally mustered up enough gumption to turn just a little, looked up into Bertha (the woman)'s eyes and felt them pierce straight into his soul. Bertha smiled, and his knees buckled as a little bit of his heart melted once again. He manage a crooked smile back, and barely able to speak, he mumbled, "Hey Bertha, long time..." Bertha was a sophisticated woman in her way, had been all around this world and seen many amazing things, but she too was practically speechless. "Hippy?? OMIGOD, Hippy, is that, like really YOU?? OMIGOD!!" (Bertha was a San Fernando Valley girl, born and raised, and was fluent in Val-speak long before Zappa, the movies, and TV popularized the dialect. When practically speechless, she tend to slip back into her native tongue, much to her chagrin). She walked right up to Hippy who was expecting a big welcome hug. Instead, she smacked him square in the jaw, hard. THEN she hugged him, a hug for the ages -- a pretty embarrassing hug for the rest of the crew to watch, truth be told. When they finally broke out of their clinch, Hippy stepped back a little and rubbed his jaw. "Dang, Bertha, what was THAT for?"
  • johnman
    Joined:
    dang!!
    now we need rider and her group W bench!!
  • TigerLilly
    Joined:
    "but...
    while we're trying to figure out exactly where we are," Hippie pondered while stepping out of the split-windowed VW microbus, "why don't we all try singing a bar or two of Alice's Restaurant, while we haul these shovels and rakes and implements of destruction outta da bus, cuz it looks like we're going to have to dig a giant landing pad for the drunken flying monkeys to touch down on.********************************** By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity -- another man's I mean. Mark Twain
  • gratefaldean
    Joined:
    Split window
    Great detail Johnman!
  • johnman
    Joined:
    WHAM!!!!!!!!
    falling from the sky, landing with a bounce and narrowly missing her was a vintage split window VW microbus, painted in an odd pattern, of many different colors and trailing what looked like a rope woven from..........dental floss??? "Oh shit........" was her first reaction,.followed by "Why is my name on the license plate?" The rear doors opened with a pop.....and a very loud belch. A voice from inside was heard to mutter " Farg!!...I don't think we're in Mongolia anymore, Rip...nor France......"
  • ripple70
    Default Avatar
    Joined:
    those damn
    drunken flying monkeys, what do they want with me she thought last time they were here life was crazy and weird and now they had bought along a part visible cat and a hippy oh dear she thought ....
  • gratefaldean
    Joined:
    Meanwhile, back in Kansas
    Bertha (the woman) was working on holiday plans, looking forward to seeing her three daughters and her nine grandchildren and whoever else crashed the party. All the while, mulling over her latest book: she was stuck, as she'd never been stuck before. Flying monkeys had been inhabiting her dreams for a fortnight, and she took it as a sign for a new direction in her book...but she just couldn't get at the root of it. It was a crystal-clear day, and she looked out her window across her wheatfield to the east. On the horizon was a little dark cloud that seemed to be approaching at an unnatural clip. As it got closer, she realized that it wasn't a cloud at all, that it was more like a big flock of birds. No, not birds. No! It was...
  • johnman
    Joined:
    no.........
    Frances the talking mule goes much farther back than ugg boots.......old black and white American film series...even before Mr. Ed
user picture

Member for

16 years 10 months
Forums
a tale in progress, by request
user picture

Member for

16 years 9 months
Permalink

Every day I get in the queue (Too much, the Magic Bus)To get on the bus that takes me to you (Too much, the Magic Bus) I'm so nervous, I just sit and smile (Too much, the Magic Bus) Your house is only another mile (Too much, the Magic Bus) Thank you, driver, for getting me here (Too much, the Magic Bus) You'll be an inspector, have no fear (Too much, the Magic Bus) I don't want to cause no fuss (Too much, the Magic Bus) But can I buy your Magic Bus? (Too much, the Magic Bus) Nooooooooo! Pete Townshend
user picture

Member for

16 years 8 months
Permalink

at the bottom of the rainbow was a pot of gold, and a bunch of very startled Oz Leprechauns, who were holding their ears in dismay at the vuvuzela fanfare.********************************** I am not young enough to know everything. Oscar Wilde
user picture
Default Avatar

Member for

13 years 7 months
Permalink

monkeys did not like the look of the leprechauns and eyed them suspiciously,the fanfare subsided and ripple asked one of the leprechauns to point him in the direction of the great wizard,the leprachauns took off swiftly they did not like the look of the ripple and his hippy.Off flew the monkeys in search of the great wizard,ripple just sat,too much the magic bus.......
user picture

Member for

16 years 3 months
Permalink

the monkeys and leprechauns stopped what they were doing. They all had a shocked and dismayed look on their little faces as if a great disturbance had occurred.......somewhere....far away in the lad of ill ah noyeee a strong, wise, and kind heart stopped beating, and they somehow knew things had changed forever though they knew not why....... (for your daddy, Tigerlilly....we love you!!)
user picture

Member for

16 years 8 months
Permalink

on this story??********************************** I am not young enough to know everything. Oscar Wilde
user picture

Member for

16 years 3 months
Permalink

but I think there was something about a collision between monkeys and reindeer........
user picture

Member for

16 years 9 months
Permalink

I've though about it a little lately, have been too holidaze-lazy to do more than that.
user picture
Default Avatar

Member for

16 years 7 months
Permalink

haven't really been following this topic just thought every would like to know that the flyin monkey is a theater in plymouth , nh ....maybe they all decided to go into acting after all they did star in the wizard of oz www.flyingmonkeynh.com
user picture

Member for

16 years 3 months
Permalink

so THAT'S where the nest is......
user picture

Member for

16 years 9 months
Permalink

I thought someone had picked up this thread again. I had a scene in my head about the van tooling down the Golden Road (aka Yellow Brick Road)...but hadn't figured out exactly where it was headed. Hmmm....flying monkeys.
user picture

Member for

16 years 9 months
Permalink

The mission was on. The road that runs through Oz (known as "the Yellow Brick Road," and by some, "The Golden Road") is nigh on impossible to navigate for the novice. The are no maps, few signs or dividing lines, and very few rules to guide. The roads themselves have a habit of dead-ending without warning; circling back on themselves; and scarier still, a path that leads to Point A one day may lead to Point B, or Z for that matter, days, weeks, or years later. This basic unreliability meant that in order to have a prayer of getting to where you want to go, you need to bring a boatload, a damn supertanker load, of experience and intuition to the process. Bertha (the woman) possessed both in spades. Not only had she made hundreds of trips over Oz hill and dale, but she could always tell the deuces from the aces in a deck of cards, easily avoided the Suicide Jack, and under her gaze, the Queen of Diamonds would shine like the sun. Bertha (the woman) therefore found herself at the wheel of Bertha (the van), Hippy riding shotgun, various and sundry of the crew piled into the back, and a group of flying monkeys settled atop the roof. Though Hippy had driven the van millions of miles, Bertha (the woman) had logged more than a few hundred thousand behind the wheel herself, spelling Hippy during their trips through the desert, taking the wheel when he was seeing double during many a San Fransiscan night. Though a few decades had passed since she'd planted her butt in that driver's seat, Bertha felt right at home. Bertha depressed the clutch, turned the key, gave the old van some gas, let out the clutch. Bertha (the van) lurched forward about 3 feet and stalled out. Bertha's clutch, you see, had a miniscule (some would say microscopic) sweet spot: if you didn't hit it and finesse it just right, your trip in Bertha was bound to be confined to a series of very annoying three-foot forward lurches...assuming that you were on level ground. Bertha (the woman) turned to Hippy and said, "You've been keeping this bucket of bolts running for close to half a century and you NEVER FIXED THE FRIGGIN' CLUTCH??" Hippy chuckled for a few seconds, then responded, "C'mon Bertha, of COURSE I fixed it. Problem is, when I got it just exactly perfect, I hated it. You have no idea how long it took me to fine tune it back to the way it was before I started 'fixing' the sucker." Bertha (the woman) touched Hippy's hand and gave him a great big smile, and Hippy's heart melted a little bit more than just a little. She cranked up the van's engine again, popped the clutch, and smoothly shifted through the gears up to cruising speed. "Just like riding a bicycle," she said, right pleased and amazed at the wonders of muscle memory. "We're off to see the Wizard!" she exclaimed, more out of tradition than intent. Thus the crew began its journey down the Golden Road: Bertha's eyes fixed on the road, confidently making decisions at each fork and crossroads, Hippy's eyes fixed on Bertha, the monkeys playing five-card stud on the roof, and everyone else in the back cranking Dead tunes and playing video games. Bertha (the woman)'s good mood slowly dissipated. It started when she began to notice that the surrounding fields and forests were encroaching on the road: in some places, the yellow bricks were visible only as narrow tracks. Infrastructure problems in Oz were unheard of, and Bertha had no idea why the road wasn't being maintained. And then, They faced a vast cornfield, and the road forked wide, right and left. An empty scarecrow stand was directly ahead of them, and though there was a sign at the juncture, it characteristically and unhelpfully pointed nowhere in particular. Bertha stopped the van. She felt nothing, no inkling of the direction to take. She stuck her head out the window and said something to the flying monkeys. Immediately two monkeys folded their hands and flapped up from the van. One headed left, one headed right down the road. Bertha (the woman) looked at Hippy and said, "Hippy, something is very wrong here. I've sent those two to do some recon for us, but I have a bad feeling that we may never see them again. We need to be thinking about what to do if they don't come back, because this very well could be...the end."
user picture
Default Avatar

Member for

14 years 7 months
Permalink

The end of what, many might ask....
user picture

Member for

16 years 9 months
Permalink

For this story, so I thought I'd bring it to an end...but made sure it wasn't really an end to the story, just in case someone might like to pick it up again at a later date.
user picture
Default Avatar
Permalink

....were actually reeper and predator drones designed to fool he Taliban. by locating the yellow brick road and it's adjacent crops. This they did very well and returned with a light "thud" to the bus where they were fed terminator remnants. Now, there were good and bad flying monkeys and the micro-bus had unfortunately discovered the wrong kind. What was called for now were empathetic healing flying monkey drones to replenish the crops.and bring peace to the kingdom, hippy & bertha.
user picture
Default Avatar

Member for

13 years 7 months
Permalink

the beginning or the end? thought thease monkeys flew off months ago are they back
user picture

Member for

16 years 9 months
Permalink

Another opens, Ripple. Is it the end or the beginning? I dunno...I felt as if the thing had kind of petered out, and I'm not sure that I want to follow the Taliban into the plot, but hey, who knows?
user picture
Default Avatar

Member for

13 years 7 months
Permalink

the taliban have no place in here brother, thinking about a new story just now!!!!1
user picture

Member for

16 years 9 months
Permalink

For a cookie and a beer, though the way today is going, beer should come first, and often.
user picture

Member for

16 years 3 months
Permalink

then a cookie, washed down with a beer. Repeat as necessary.
user picture

Member for

16 years 9 months
Permalink

Spammer has hijacked our story....release the flying monkeys!!
user picture

Member for

16 years 8 months
Permalink

perhaps Ripple's wanting to throw a huge white wedding for one of the monkeys, who fell in love. :) ********************************** I am not young enough to know everything. Oscar Wilde
user picture

Member for

16 years 9 months
Permalink

You can gussy up a flying monkey in a wedding dress, but I'm thinking that the phrase "beautiful bride" will not get much use during or after the ceremony.
user picture

Member for

16 years 8 months
Permalink

well I would hope that the lucky monkey's husband-to-be finds her to be a beautiful bride in her spammy wedding dress ;)********************************** I am not young enough to know everything. Oscar Wilde
user picture

Member for

16 years 10 months
Permalink

I don't think that counts within the spirit of fictional improvisation. Out it goes.
user picture

Member for

16 years 9 months
Permalink

Is, as you may not know, considered a delicacy among flying monkeys. But there's nothing delicate about the winged apes' reaction to this traditional "mystery meat" product. Just a hint, a glimpse of an iconic blue can of spam will set them to tying napkins (or any substitute scrap of fabric, including wedding dresses) around their necks in eager anticipation of feasting on this salty treasure. Once the can is open, the monkeys will engage in a feeding frenzy the likes of which should not be witnessed in a family-friendly story such as this. Yes, flying monkeys do love their spam. And for those who would like to see spam erased from this world, virtual and real, I say again, release the flying monkeys!!
user picture

Member for

16 years 8 months
Permalink

thank you for that informational tidbit, Dean! :) Let the flying monkeys have a spam frenzy-and rid us of this plague indeed!********************************** I am not young enough to know everything. Oscar Wilde
user picture

Member for

16 years 9 months
Permalink

And figured I'd percolate this now very-much-out-of-sequence funtime project back up to the top of the Forum list to say it. Anyone heard from him since he lost his internet connection? I hope things are going better... For that matter, ripple70 disappeared pretty suddenly, without warning, as well, and I can't say that I've seen Mr Pid in these parts of late either. Get back to where you once belonged....
user picture
Default Avatar
Permalink

i wonder about a lot of handles that come and go
user picture

Member for

16 years 9 months
Permalink

That there's some number of Dead.net users who reinvent themselves with a new "nomme de mort," new avatar, new profile? I'm in kind of a "shedding my skin" mood myself...
user picture

Member for

16 years 3 months
Permalink

Got connection back via smartphone about 2.5 years ago, though getting into dead.net was close to impossible. I now have a laptop, but using hotspot on my phone still allows me only limited access due to time constraints. Had to move in with my father when he could no longer care for himself. The 55 and up community he lives in had free cable and internet, but dropped those amenities not long after I acquired the laptop, hence the use of Hotspot/wi-fi...time will tell if our finances improve...nice being back, though this device works different than my home PC. Still learning....
user picture

Member for

11 years 8 months
Permalink

is nice to have around, johnman. I hope you get lots of beer and cookies from Santa this year. Do you leave out beer and cookies for Santa? That would kinda make it Even-Steven, I would think.