to all out there who need em
Peace,
The Kid

I haven't posted here ever before... used to hang out back in the 90's in a chat called "710 Ashbury", and haven't had the time since about 98', so a lot to say but will try and keep it short... haven't seen a show since Phoenix 94, just kinda faded away after Uncle Jerry went to play that great gig in the sky. Much has happened in my life since then. Kinda drifted in and out of the rainbow family for a few years, then joined the machine and became a heavy equipment operator of all things. That took me out to Reno and into a union and... well I'll save that for later, but, it eventually took me to Iraq working for a company out of Houston called KBR. It is truely amazing for me to look back at it all and see just how far I have strayed from who I really am in the name of the almighty dollar. I spent more time living in a warzone listening to Jerry and Bobby and Phil then I had until rescently since my last show. I'm home now and definitely scrambled in the head. Because I was a civilian contractor, there are no benefits available for counseling, no one will hire me, and I am so deep in debt, I can't even see the sun anymore. I only sleep 2 to 3 hours at a time and only 4 or 5 times a week. I keep my doors locked and have been living my life infront of my computer trying to get out of my head... but, I found a couple of my old cd's cleaning the house the other day and I have been back on the bus. I feel, just from the music, that the hole that war has left in me is slowly, very slowly, starting to close. I've been home for over a year and more than half my friends don't even know I'm home. Honestly, just so I know it myself, I'm not living this way out of fear, more, I feel that this is my pennance of sorts... I have created my own cell... I have nothing but love for all mankind, but the images trapped in my head still won't go away, so, I guess I'm askin for nothin but love... I could really use some good vibes and words of encouragement to know, weather you all agree with war, the war, or anything related to that whole scene, I'm still alive and its never too late. Sorry for the downer. Thanks for reading my vent, and if anyone cares to, feel free to drop me a private message or post a responce. Thanks again and, from what is left of my heart, never let go of the music.
Chubs I be.

What free idea said "it's not a downer to listen..." Also it sounds like you got some stuff to get out, and we certainly don't mind listening. Hang in there Chubsib, take it day by day, and perhaps come back here from time to time, where people are kind.

Is at least one more guy here who knows first hand what you've been through in Irak. He's still there, so perhaps you can hook up with writing to him here?

Peace and inner strength to you Chubsib,and lots and lots of good vibes.
**********************************
Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone, you will still exist, but you have ceased to live.
Samuel Clemens

Well first off positive vibes Look man get out of the house, don't lock yourself into a cell and shut others out. Find others with your same experience and talk about it. If no counseling is available to you. You need to vent holding stuff in only creates anger and self sorrow. Don't feel sorry for yourself. Get out go to a show seems like there is alot of the scene out there get away for a few days. I know we alllike to have our higher conciousness or altered whatever. But please my brother don't drink yourself into a cave. Now that that is said. I know the experience and am sure have been in much worse situations than any KBR personnel. Please don't take that as a personal strike against you. It's not. I'm sure the thing is something you wish to contend with. death is a daily deal contractors are not exempt from the horrors and are targets as well. So with all that said and you start thinking who the fuck is this guy to tell me. My name is SFC Dwight R. Laporte am on my 3rd tour in Iraq. My job is combat engineer. I parachuted in Bashur Iraq in 03. returned in 06 to Mosul and am again currently in Mosul. I could go into great detail of war but don't think this is tjhe place. War sucks but is a reality we all have to deal with. everyone is affected either directly or indirectly. Have friends or family members who have been here etc. Maybe for me I've just kinda built of an internal defense. Sometimes nothing seems to matter, I always say if no body's dead it ain't that serious. I've been posting on here alot for the last couple month's cause we are getting ready to go home and have toned down some. Have made some grate friends here and hope to meet them somewhere one day. It helps me cause I a freakin deadhead and we all relate. And like you off the bus for a long time. I catch a fest when I can but won't be able to be completly free for 3 more years. I've gotten so much recent info about what is going on these days here. And like you when Jerry passed I kinda just lost touch with it all. Still listened of course but stayed in the Army. Anyway what did you do with all those big dollars KBR paid you, ha ha. Look man write me anytime. I look forward each day hoping some of my dead.net friends dropped me a line or responde to a post in a goofy way is alot of fun and is a release for me. So to all of you thanks. And chubs you can get past the bad but doing it alone is not the way to go believe me

lots of good advice above, and....

"when you get confused, listen to the music play"