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    marye
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    It's a common tale: you're into the Dead. You're also into your relationship with your significant other, who is very much not into the Dead. How do you make it work?

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  • grendel
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    I would say that the blame was mine...
    I basically killed the Grateful Dead for my wife. When we first started dating I asked her if she liked the Dead, and when she said "well, i really only know Touch of Grey and Truckin , and I like those", instead of "eeewww, those hippie losers?" I immediately took that as a good sign and made her a mixed tape. By then i knew she was into jazz so I included the Branford Eyes from 3/29/90, added some safe and beautiful acoustic tunes from Reckoning, and took my chances with a live Stella Blue from the Knick in '90... She really liked the tape--not overly so, but enough that I felt quite comfortable playing them when she was around. Things progressed great, (like a diesel train--nothing that you need to add or do ;-) and we moved in together. So now she's exposed much more to the gazillion different (to my ears) version of Eyes, Fire, Scarlet, etc., and each time i'm saying 'wait til you hear this though--it's a GREAT version--but I was oblivious to the fact that it doesn't matter what the version sounds like to me--to her it's just TOO MUCH of the what sounds like the same. I shoulda quit while I was ahead, basically, and if I only played the Dead once in a while she'd be fine, maybe even ask me to turn it up. (Maybe). But the good news is that even though all this happened, she still agreed to marry me, and it's more a running joke now than anything. I can still annoy the crap out of her by cranking up Fire in the car, but she gives it right back, by mocking Jerry's voice on those occassions, when, let's face it--he sounds like a frog being strangled in a blender. And the less said about her thoughts on Donna, the better. I think if you can drive your spouse crazy by overplaying the Dead day and night--and she still loves you and doesn't kick you to the curb, you got a good thing going.
  • gratefulgerd
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    enjoyed the shows
    I'm a big GD-Fan since the 70's.Back in1994 my wife and I made a trip from Germany to California. One of the main goals for that trip was to see the Dead at CalExpo,Sacramento. I knew, my wife was not that enthusiastic about their music so I convinced her to go to attend least one of the three CalExpo shows with me. So we arranged to see the first show togeher and the other two shows I go myself with friends. In hopes she might like the live atmoshere in combination with the music, I got tickets for her for all three shows as well. But she didn't know. After the first night I asked her how she liked the show and she replied, that she enjoyed it very much. Especially the big party, before, during and after the show. Something hard to find in Europe. Up came old memories. So I was aked to get tickets for the other shows, which I already had. Luckily. All shows were sold out. Both we enjoyed a three night party with the greatest music ever played on the planet. Now she shares my love to the GD. But still, she prefers her more mainstream-music.
  • pkpotter
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    married into the family
    My wife and the love of my life like's to say she married into the "family". I went to my first show at 13 - the wall of sound test cow palace march 23 1974. Forever dead after that(thank's Kevin). My wife and I have been together 10 years now and she actually has started to enjoy it. It remind's her of summer. The real test was the Grateful dead family reunion at alpine valley. After an awesome vibe from the crowd and a spectacular double rainbow right over the stage, the music has never stopped. There is hope! peace.
  • marye
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    do not dis Vince Gill
    I like Vince Gill too!
  • d0ti5
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    Yeah, she would drop me at the shows...
    I remember my darlin' wife of 25 years saying she had never seen so many weirdo's, after dropping me off at a Red Rocks show. I always felt at home, so I didn't think we looked THAT weird.... She doesn't listen to the same stuff I am into - trance, Goa, Dead, 'Spread, Cheese, Dog, Zero 7, Morcheeba - I don't listen to much Vince Gill. I am usually kind (she REALLY can't stand them), but my daughter has all my disks, and we listen to all the "good" stuff. So, at least one of "my girls" like my jams. The other one is fun to cuddle, makes up for the music thing. Even if she like Vince Gill. {8^{>
  • c_c
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    well...
    well.... we do agree about Sugaree and all things Grateful though she would rather hear Roger Daltry sing, more than Jerry or Bobby... she prefers the singing talent of CSNY over the dead's attempts at harmonies... but the jamming is jamming, and life jams away. but we both left our brains on the 5:15 so long ago. and have both been happily on our own 'dizzy ride' for many years. finally, for those times when we are grooving to a different drummer... on the eigth day, God created headphones. peace. the serious comment I'd add, is it is all about mutual respect for each other's desires and tastes. but Hunter's words speak volumes: "Merry run around Sailing up and down Looking for a shove in some direction Got it from the top It's nothing you can stop Lord, you know they made a fine connection They love each other Lord, you can see it's true Lord, you can see it's true Lord, you can see it's true He could pass his time Around some other line But you know he chose this place beside her Don't get in the way There's nothing you can say Nothing that you need to add or do It's nothing, they explain It's like a diesel train Better not be there when it rolls over And when that train rolls in You won't know where it's been You gotta try to see a little further Though you'll make a noise They just can't hear your voice They're on a dizzy ride and you're cold sober Hope you will believe what I say is true Everything I did, I heard it first from you Heard your news report You know you're falling short Pretty soon won't trust you for the weather When that ship comes in You won't know where it's been You got to try to see a little further"
  • Ixtlanvet
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    love just is...
    Ixtlanvet 's wife is double bad like that! She can't stand 'em or Bobby Dylan.So,s here how's I cope: She dose'nt go with me to the big shows. I don't play it @ home or in the car. It's worked like that for 26 years. I have Dylan tickets in-hand. Last time I saw RatDog I met Caryl Hart! She like's to read... [gofigure] -Ix
  • izzie
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    izzie's story!
    Chris and I met in '91 after 10 years of not seeing each other. I was doing the homeless --> hippie --> biker thing while he was being an Army officer. We'd been around each other as teenagers, but never really talked. the Freak and the Geek, you know. Anyway, we went out and of course for me, talk turned to music. He asked me if I liked Debbie Gibson. We'd just been talking about mutual friends, so I said, uh I don't remember her. Where'd she go to school? He cracked up, as she was apparently hot on some charts. Then I asked him about the Grateful Dead. He rolled his eyes and said that his best friend from childhood was a deadhead, so at least he knows who Jerry Garcia is. We got married about 5 months later, and a month after that we went to my ex's town to pick up my ferret and see a show. That's when he fell asleep at a sweet little JGB acoustic show. How's it work? He knows if the music is up loud and I'm dancing in the living room with my eyes closed, it is not the time to ask me about the checkbook issue. and if I want to hold him and sway to Stella Blue, he knows to take it like a lover and just shut up. And he learned early on that no, it's not country music, it doesn't all sound the same, and that Brent was a god. He'll call me at home now (we don't live together because of my job) and will hear Brent wailing in the background: "oh were you and Brent having a moment? should I call you back?" Chris is the best partner in the entire fucking world.
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It's a common tale: you're into the Dead. You're also into your relationship with your significant other, who is very much not into the Dead. How do you make it work?
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Crossing my fingers for you, that you get your chance to show her. ********************************** Education: that which reveals to the wise, and conceals from the stupid, the vast limits of their knowledge. Mark Twain
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Have been getting along with her well, but not much has changed beyond that. She is going away with him this weekend to see Furthur in New Jersey. Trying my best to accept that, but it's hard.
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I fell in love with Leonardo years ago... but I didn't realize it until i had this dream about him selling posters of himself on Shakedown Street back in 1998 when I first when on Further Tour. I was 19 at the time. I think he is the most gorgeous man I have ever seen in my life. Really don't care about the movie career though I think he is a great actor! Hoping to meet up with him at a show. Breaks my heart to see him with another girl. Love him so much..hoping my dream will come true...to marry Leonardo and spend my life with him , tour with grateful dead and have his children here on God's Green Earth!! Thank you! I wish you all the very best with your relationships.. don't worry God has someone for everyone.. just a matter of meeting up with them! Don't cry my brothers and sisters... I love you all very much and so does Jesus! Peace!
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Also an admirer of Vince Gill...a really great person
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My Beautiful Wife, Katie, also known in common circles as Krati, puts up w/ me listening over and over to Jerry and the Boyz play...or the latest configuration of the band these days! She wants to hear something 'New, Fun, and INterestinG. ' next weekend, we are both getting on a plane to go to ORlando to see Furthur!!!! I Can't Wait..!!
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Well, What about the storys of two trukin and even better with children! Alot of times that also dosn't work out. Heart breaks and betrail on the road. That's my story.Lovers can be a little wishy and flighty when there use to a life on the road. Always on the move, always have to go. When stuck or home bound for a minute they panick. I understand it, I feel that way as well alot.I met my forever lover about 10yrs ago. He introduced me to the dead and to more of the life style. history, the now, Where kids are, how they travil, how to be inovative and make some bucks along the way. He helped me become a little more free. I was already on my way, but he gave me the atitude I needed to move forward on my own. Things where grate when we met. I only had one child that was'nt living with me at that time. We where able to move freely and go any where. He fasinated me, I followed him any where always listening to the dead. Although I herted from missing my child I had his warmth. Don't get me wrong, He's not all hippie love. He's a "dead head". Dirty, agro at times,rude, big, and abnoctious. I loved it! Things started changing quikly though. I got pregnant and started a coustody battle for my 3yr old. We quikly had to stay put in Portland Oregon but always listening to the dead all day long . It was extremly hard for him. He was always going out for a smoke and not coming back for days or months. It hert real bad to be left behinde but I understood what was going on. I always searched for him and would get him to come back. Not very long after are daughter GreainFaye was born his life style took a toll and he ended up in fed & state prison doing a 5yr sentence. Oh god, I died that day. The loss and hert from are lifes being torn apart was unbarible.I tryed staying put for him. With in months I distroyed mine and my childrens lifes. I had to move on, keep trukin. Travis always waighd heavy on my hart. Every dream and thought was about him for five years. life kept moving and I had a nother child,But always in minde I would return for him when he gets out. I did just that.I was there when he steped off the bus and he paroled to my house I had for him. We where doing good. We both had jobs. Well I though it was good. He could'nt let go of me leaving him behinde. He left with out a note. I felt so gilty and hert. I tryed to kill my self. I did shot after shot of heroin with no adiction. I should have died! I was so distrot it wasn't bringing me down. I knew where he would be. Tour and Rainbow. I got rid of every thing and hit the road with my daughter to go finde daddy in a last plea for forgivness and to prove I was dedicated and there. We found him hiding out in the woods at holding camp for Whyoming Nationals. I thought we worked things out. Makeing dirtykid love and every thing. Then again with out notice. He said he wasn't in love with me and left. I thought that was it. I wonderd around the woods lost for days. I finally returned to the comfert of the dead on cd and ended up on and off tour. In that process I finde out all that dirt love got me pregnant. Wow! A couple months later Travis cetches up to me. He said he had made a big mistake and had been franticaly searching for me.I ended up joining him in Colorado 3kids and one on the way. Traviling around looking for a place to have a baby. Are son Rylan Stone was born 4-20-09. While I was recovering Travis hit the show in Denver . He could'nt stay away. Days later we all hit the road. Things where grate! I had'nt been more happy in my life. I had all my children and Travis. I was happy. September came and we where waiting for a job out side of mendo. My oldest son was visiting family in Oregon so I needed to go pick him up.I was riding Grayhound and Travis was sapose to meet us there in 1 week and then again go on tour. That's the last time we saw him. He left with out us. I'v been stranded in Portland since then. I got 1 call from him saying"It Is What It Is".I new that was it.I could'nt listen to the dead any more. It herts to much. 6mths have gone by and I'v been stuck here in Portland with no contact from family. I new I wanted to leave Portland and Finde a farm or somthing, But I hav'nt wanted to talk to Family. Untill recantly I have become grate friends with a guy who just so happends to be GDF. He has talked me in to going to the first Saterday Market and then We whent and hung out on shake down they other night when Further was here.I had a grate time.I thank him for bringing me back! Where planing on leaving by June and going on Summer tour and hopfully finding a good family farm. I still havn't listend to the dead though. I Love my husband and Travis was that one. The need to keep trukin is only somthing family can understand. It's comferting but very lonly as well if you let it take controll of your life. In they end the children suffer. So that's why I stay behinde. It did'nt have to be this way. But it is!
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thanks for sharing your story with us. It is a extraordinary tale amazingly well told. It provokes so many emotions I don't know where to start..so I won't. Just to say thanks and wishing you all good things in all good time.
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Just from the glimpse you've given us, it swells my heart. Bet you have more stories to share about being on the road ..... Healing Vibes to you dear & your babies. I have had some of my best cries to the GOGD, namely Black Thtroated Wind. Can't tell you how much better I feel after getting lost in the music! Safe Travels :) PEACE " If you get confused listen to the music play"
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My wife and I are different on so many levels. Especially the music we like. But she's good about listening to those long extended space jams as long as we arn't in her car. Nothing but the latest dance hits for her. So I take my own car and BIODTL.
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I would love to catch the summer tour. My rider is not into it. It's not like we have radically different lifestyles, I just like to see musical performances for an extended period on the road some times. Otherwise we're so alike, don't do bars or share tattoos or have constant electronic contact. We work it out. She gets her thang which is whatever she wants. But we love each other without the responsibility of parenting. and I perfectly understand Anarcho's issues there. All good things to you girl! Bring em'up with taste & style! ~ Pearly'sbeen true, true to me, true to my dieing day ~
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I am 42, JB is 60. Although he is from back in the days of Pigpen and the Haight/Ashbury scene, the Dead was like his local band to him. He experienced the same acid with them ect. He doesn't but them up on this phenominal pedistal like the generation of kids I came from. He has total respect for Jerry Garcia. I view his experiences with great respect. There are very, very few people who experienced those days like JB did. We should write a book about his many travels back in the day. Chigago 69! Now back to me, I experienced the Dead back in the mid to late eighties. I viewed Jerry and the magic differently. Iv'e been to several shows and experienced like for example, Las Vegas. JB and I can relate to the experiences but he isn't so nostalgic as me. I guess that's why he can miss a show and let me go with friends or I go alone. All that DEAD stuff can annoy him sometimes, but at least he'll sometimes go with me. Shoreline 09. Oh the Dead know him alright, Bill Graham in the 70's gave his wife and friends seats right up front just because he listened to his lectures.
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she's still there , i can smell her hair . her skin is soft her spirit is lifted by the 4 winds, but her heart is empty . my fault . i forgot how fragile she was . i turned my head for only a moment in time ,and she was taken .not by any one , but by something. words alone could not mend the strings by which we were bound .i used to think ,who would cradle this soul if not me. i am older now and perhaps to weak to carry her gently. i never stray to far , for fear of leaving her unprotected. if you see her tell her i love her .
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My sister bought me tix for the GD Movie on April 20th as a late birthday gift. My wife, who is not into the band at all, said she wanted to go with me. Needless to say I was a bit shocked. We settled into the theater and my wife avoided making any of her usual comments during jams, which was a great relief. On the drive home, she started asking some pretty insightful questions about the band and the music. The next day I had shoulder surgery, so the topic of music fell away from conversation for a bit, but as the days went by she started asking about specific songs. Here is where the help is needed. My wife is starting to show interest in the band. She said she really likes "Sugar Magnolia" and was really happy when she heard "Peggy-O" come on during dinner the other night, however songs that tend to have longer jams still seem to be a bit of a put off (no "Dark Star" yet). How do I draw her into the band more? It would be so incredible if we could share this interest, so I don't want to ruin it by pushing too hard. Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks, McB "...the powerful plays goes on, and you may contribute a verse" -Walt Whitman-
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Workingman's, American Beauty, and Reckoning are good things to have playing insidiously in the background...
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American Beauty has found its way on a couple of times. I was also thinking "Live/Dead" and "Dead Set" as good introductions into the live aspect of the band. "...the powerful plays goes on, and you may contribute a verse" -Walt Whitman-
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My significant other & I are tied together by our work. There is no escape from a loveless marriage, especially w/o the various side projects of the remaining cast of characters to get a breath of relief. It's forcing me to look for quick escapes from reality with heads whom I can truly enjoy the music with. Hey, when your whole life is going to clubs every night and listening to music it becomes nauseating once you get hooked on jam-band music. Anna the vamp-ire slayer
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see me and my wife are alike and different. she enjoys alot of dark music and light music, but i am unsure if she enjoys the dead or not. she doesnt say anything bout the music when i play it. i figure its only a matter of time
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well as it seems, my plan worked. my wife now loves the dead. thanks to me. saint stephen gets in her head all the time. also, i found out that my loving wife is 7 weeks pregnant, so were bringing another dead head into this world :)
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17 years 2 months
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news piper Congratulations!!!
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12 years 8 months
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thank you all. our unborn kid is hearing some dead thru headphones already. we are quite happy
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hey piper i take it this is your first child. the best parenting advice i ever got was sleep when they do
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Its not easy. I got fooled into a relationship with someone who was not what she pretended to be and took me away from my tribe, alienated friends and pretty much screwed my life up. I still have not recovered and miss my tribe and friends My friend got me to come back to Alaska to take a year off. I have health issues and f my disease was progressing and symptoms were getting worse. This was supposed to be a year I've pretty much been held prisoner for 30 years after 13 years on the road. I kicked her out twice, the second time for good and she came and stole my service dog. She pretty much raped me to get a baby so she wouldn't be alone all the time. He was born with serious birth defects so what I did was the best for my kid but not really for my mental health. I didn't love this woman. My first tour wife died in 90 and all my friends hated my new lady who I brought to AK with me and told me I was just trying to replace what I lost but it wasn't possible. I should have listened but by that time I was getting sick and she really did take care of me. She was just super jealous and petty and has now turned my son against me saying I just want to keep him here to take care of me and he'll be stuck; which is bullshit. Due to my housing contract with AK housing since he flunked premed he could no longer be on my lease. A 24 year old man having his mommy make his lunches and dinners is not being a man. When I was 24 I was on the road seeing every dead show I could and running a mail order LSD business that kept me happy and fat.

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Have a separate stereo system in the bedroom.
Play the living room system when she's not home.
Then there's plenty to listen to from Tapers, Jam-o-week, GD Hour sections,
which I do with headphones if the computer speakers aren't good enough.
So all in all I have plenty of opportunities to listen and a huge collection now.
And she's worth it guys, I've got it good.
Cheers
P.S. Get well Glowme. Tough row to hoe buddy.