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    marye
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    It's a common tale: you're into the Dead. You're also into your relationship with your significant other, who is very much not into the Dead. How do you make it work?

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  • JackstrawfromC…
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    I just kept taking my wife to shows
    Against her will at first but now she can't wait for NYE in San Fran. Not only does she get the seeing them 3 nights in a row thing but now she gets the teavelling aspect of it. Hey if you don't live on the coasts, you have to travel if you want to see them. It's all about perserverance! ;-) "I've stayed in every blue-light cheap hotel. Can't win for tryin. Dust off those rusty strings just one more time. Gonna make em shine."
  • Candyman_Chris
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    Slowly but Surely
    I was never one to believe in love at first sight, that is until I met my now wife almost 12 years ago. Me in my Birks and unkempt appearance, her off the pages of a fashion magazine. She managed to get me off the bus for a time, took me to get a haircut and some shopping and Banana Republic, funny the things we do for love.Almost 4 years later we find out that we are expecting a baby, well not so much expecting as surprised as hell that she had become pregnant. Alittle soul searching and I found myself drawn back to the comforts of my tapes. My daughter was born and we would dance and still dance around to the music of The Dead then my son born several years later and he is a Head at heart... Long story short, She doesnt hate them anymore actually quite the opposite, we went to a "Dead Tribute Festival" this past summer at a local winery, me and the kids are bouncing around to Bertha and who should I catch out of the corner of my eye totally jammin...My lovely wife, on the car ride home she looked and me and smiled and said 'I get it now'
  • rosa rugosa
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    I'm the spouse who didn't get it. . .
    But please note the past tense - there is a happy ending :)Dave and I have been together for 33+ years, and he's been into the Dead since he was 12 or so. I never had anything against them, but I wasn't really a fan and mostly just knew their biggest commercial hits (Truckin, Sugar Magnolia). We had a lot of bands we liked in common, so we really weren't musically incompatible, but I didn't quite get the Dead thing (Why would anyone want to go to three shows in a row? Don't you already have that song on another album?) Fast forward to Sept 2004, and we're on vacation at a beautiful resort on the southern Maine coast. One of the CDs we brought was Dicks Picks 14, which contains the longest, loveliest versions of Eyes and Sunshine. At some point during the week, I realize that the soundtrack to our vacation is the MOST WONDERFUL MUSIC I have ever heard, and just like that, I'm hooked! Since then, I've had an insatiable appetite for their music, and that's pretty much what's always playing at our little cottage by the river. I've seen Ratdog 6 times in the past few years, and I'm so excited to be going to my first Dead shows in April in Worcester. I think Dave is more excited for me than he is for himself. He says he's not surprised that he finally "turned" me, he's just surprised it took me so long. Thanks, Dave! If I had the world to give, I would absolutely give it to you!
  • TigerLilly
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    Lovely story
    Sugar-Mags, and sounds like two reasonable people have met their match. Glad for you!!!!!!!********************************** Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone, you will still exist, but you have ceased to live. Samuel Clemens
  • The Woodcutter…
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    How could you?
    How could you marry someone who's not a dead head? That's a very good question and one that I was recently asked of me (with a tone of actual shock) by a couple at a fall ratdog show. They didn't know my history so I explained that in the end, it was fear, self preservation, and wishful thinking. My first husband and I met my freshman year in college. We instantly became best friends and fell deeply in love, all to the backdrop of the Dead. We'd actually walk around campus together singing dead songs in between classes...cried to the dead, made love to the dead... you get the idea. All dead, all the time...going to as many shows as we could afford and that time would allow. You know... great times, high times, the best of times.... We married upon graduation and although we had been party buddies thoughout our four years in school, it was time to start living life as adults and keep it all in perspective. Long, painful story short, 12 years and had 3 beautiful children later, the excessive drugs, drinking and endless stream of hiding and lying finally destroyed the relationship. Still breaks my heart to this day. Anyway... Unfortunately, he (and the pain) seemed to be sadly tied to the Dead "lifestyle" so when i began dating and seriously considering a new husband, the fact that the man WASN'T into the Dead seemed like a bonus at the time. It all comes down to tradeoffs. Lets face it; i was fearful of deja vu all over again, so despite my new man's disdane of my birkenstocks, his inability to comprehend my freaky dancing and his obvious lack of love for all things Jerry and Bobby, I married him. At the time, i wasn't THAT into it any more anyway...or so I thought. About 6 months later, I happened upon my Englishtown 77 disc. It was literally like reuniting with an old familar lover, without the guilt! And so it went... I slowly but surely drifted back to it all, chosing to focus on how much I love "it" (the music), rather than how much I used to love "him" (the first husband). While this approch works for the most part, I'll be the first to admit that Bird Song still make me cry like a baby... but I digress... My second husband and I have been married 5 years now and have seen a few shows together...the Other Ones, Phil and friends and a few Ratdog shows. Although I know he'll go if asked, he makes a point of reminding me that there are "so many great bands we can be spending our money on..and besides, I don't dance and never will." To that comment, all I can do is . So much for wishful thinking... Bottom line: Since his tolerance is a poor substitute for actual enjoyment and tends to take away from my experience, here's how we make it work. 1. One "dead' related show together per year max. I can go with friends to any shows anytime I want. No guilt in either direction allowed. 2. Sirius 32 subscription. That was my birthday present from him along with noise cancellation headphones. Best present I ever received. I listen all day long while i work and he dutifully listens to me recount what happened today in GD history or what might have been discussed on the Golden road. He may not actually care, but he'll listen nicely and appreciate the fact that if it makes me happy, it makes him happy. 3. Long car trips. We both try to be reasonable. We'll tolerate listening / or not listening to our preferences for as long as we can before one of us grabs the sirius radio and changes the channel. The good news is, he's IS making some progress. The other day i was watching an online video and from the kitchen I heard him say "Is that Eyes of the World? That's a nice version" Big grin... why yes, yes it is.... Now, if I can just get him to start singing with me.... it goes to show you don't never know...
  • TxJed
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    Middle ground?
    My sweet Significant Other doesn't really care much for the dead. There are some tunes that she likes, but overall she feels that they are too country. I've pretty much given up on convincing her that they are really roots rock in the grand American tradition.She is a Wiccan, and is much more into trance music and other forms whose names I don't even remember. Strange thing is that she loves to turn up the volume and dance, but just can't relate to doing that with the Dead ( no matter how many times I try to explain that the Dead is really a dance band, her kind of dancing). I wish I could have taken her to a Dead show. Then maybe she would understand a little better. We manage to work it out though, me listening during my commute and when outside doing yardwork and other errands, and she listening to her music during those times I am away. Fortunately, we do agree on the middle ground, groups like CSNY, Cake, Neil Young to name a few. After all, we're all just dancing in a ring around the sun!
  • SugarStar15
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    My Honey
    He is by no means a Head. He doesn't like going to live shows much either. But we've worked for 8 years now. He knows about my life on the road and my love for the Dead. There are bears, a Jerry Doll, drawings all over our home. He just smiles and says "As long as your happy." This past week when the news was announced and I was dancing around our tiny apartment he just laughed and said it was good to see me smile again. We give each other space and respect musically. We click on many other levels and music differences is just a small part of who we are as a couple.
  • GratefulGigi
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    My hubby
    who I met at a show is starting to fade away!We went on tour together in the 80's, what a long strange trip..... Im not gettin off the bus.. He is not much of a head anymore, it makes me sad :( He is a workaholic now and we never spend time together anymore. I go to shows with friends now, Thank god for dead.net cause I met lots of new friends to tour with me in 09!! Dont know how to pull him back in :/
  • SpectrumMJP
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    Here's another (unusual?!) example
    Husband and wife first meet working event security at a concert venue. He-basic classic rock type(Boston/Kansas...)/She-basically musically multi-faceted(being in that business, I think that should be a job skill but that's just my opinion.) She admittedly did not become a Dead aficionado until after working her first show. Turs out the music tastes are given mutual respect in the house and has been for over 21 years now.
  • Canyon Critter
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    I'm laughing reading these
    I'm laughing reading these posts. So I'd thought share my experience: My first girl was my high school sweetheart...I introduced her to the dead and the funny thing is even though we've been broken since '94 I just got an email last week from her saying that it was the thing about me she was most thankful for. "Not doing to bad ol friend. Still got the Dead in ya...I see. Good Good. Best thing ya ever showed me. Been going to nearly every availbale possible show for years. Also a Big Ratdog fan now. quite a love story- you and me. 10 years. " So fast forward to June, 2006: My girlfriend and I had just got to Milwaukee's Summerfest to see Tom Petty & Pearl Jam play (good show by the way) on the 28th. So after that, I "talked" her into seeing String Cheese and Ratdog on the 6th of july. I was all pumped before the show and totally diggin the vibe, I was home with my family. Bobby opens up with Monkey & The Engineer, energy was like the summer night HOT. As I'm dancing around like a head on the picnic tables to the second song in the set, my favorite, Cassidy, she says to me, "These people smell like patchouli oil and haven't taken a shower for weeks." Being a head for along time I was completely offended by that statement. It was right then and there I had a total ephinany....she's not even close to being the right one for me. I'm in it for love. I tried to love someone I'm not, high maintanence and judgemental. I should have known the first time we went camping ;-) It took me a little longer to realize it was true and broke up with her a month later. I was done looking for my Sugar Magnolia....and WHAM out of the blue comes a girl that was closer to my roots. She didn't care about how cute she looked, there's no outlet for a hair dryer, or what kind of jeans someone was wearing. She was beautiful to the ends of the earth and kind with all her heart. We started dating and first thing I did was say, "Hey Babe, you wanna go to Ratdog and The Allman Brothers at the Charter One Pavillion with me?" She's only 22 (believe me I was very reluctant at first but after meeting we just knew) and didn't even know who Bobby was. She was really excited to go and learn about where I came from. In the parking garage at Soldier Field (alas the last place Jerry played) we hung out before the show....she was totally at home and really diggin the GD Hour tape I was playing from '98. It wasn't like the Oakland Coliseum lot D or anything but we had alot of fun with the "fams". So we walk around the harbor to get to the pavillion dancing around the people along the way. It was an amazingly cool summer night with a perfect breeze coming from Lake Michagan. As we get into the show, it's just a chill vibe. Jam > Playin in the Band > Ramble On Rose, Cold Rain and Snow The mode of the show was a real slow tempo chill night. I was sing every word and we both were rockin out around the bleachers. She said,"Om my god, you know every single word to these songs...that's awesome! These people are amazing." We keep dancing and singing until Ratdog pulls out Dear Prudence, she's a huge Beatles fan, she say every single word smiling from ear to ear. It was amazing. Allman Bros played, needless to say we had a perfect night. As were driving home from the show, she tells me that the show made her feel like she was at home....boy did she know I felt. I fell madly in love with her after that night. If I had the world to give, I'd give it to her. As long as I live. _________________________________________________________ Will you come with me? Once in awhile you can get shown the light in the strangest of places if you look at it right!
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It's a common tale: you're into the Dead. You're also into your relationship with your significant other, who is very much not into the Dead. How do you make it work?
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Crossing my fingers for you, that you get your chance to show her. ********************************** Education: that which reveals to the wise, and conceals from the stupid, the vast limits of their knowledge. Mark Twain
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Have been getting along with her well, but not much has changed beyond that. She is going away with him this weekend to see Furthur in New Jersey. Trying my best to accept that, but it's hard.
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I fell in love with Leonardo years ago... but I didn't realize it until i had this dream about him selling posters of himself on Shakedown Street back in 1998 when I first when on Further Tour. I was 19 at the time. I think he is the most gorgeous man I have ever seen in my life. Really don't care about the movie career though I think he is a great actor! Hoping to meet up with him at a show. Breaks my heart to see him with another girl. Love him so much..hoping my dream will come true...to marry Leonardo and spend my life with him , tour with grateful dead and have his children here on God's Green Earth!! Thank you! I wish you all the very best with your relationships.. don't worry God has someone for everyone.. just a matter of meeting up with them! Don't cry my brothers and sisters... I love you all very much and so does Jesus! Peace!
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Also an admirer of Vince Gill...a really great person
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My Beautiful Wife, Katie, also known in common circles as Krati, puts up w/ me listening over and over to Jerry and the Boyz play...or the latest configuration of the band these days! She wants to hear something 'New, Fun, and INterestinG. ' next weekend, we are both getting on a plane to go to ORlando to see Furthur!!!! I Can't Wait..!!
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Well, What about the storys of two trukin and even better with children! Alot of times that also dosn't work out. Heart breaks and betrail on the road. That's my story.Lovers can be a little wishy and flighty when there use to a life on the road. Always on the move, always have to go. When stuck or home bound for a minute they panick. I understand it, I feel that way as well alot.I met my forever lover about 10yrs ago. He introduced me to the dead and to more of the life style. history, the now, Where kids are, how they travil, how to be inovative and make some bucks along the way. He helped me become a little more free. I was already on my way, but he gave me the atitude I needed to move forward on my own. Things where grate when we met. I only had one child that was'nt living with me at that time. We where able to move freely and go any where. He fasinated me, I followed him any where always listening to the dead. Although I herted from missing my child I had his warmth. Don't get me wrong, He's not all hippie love. He's a "dead head". Dirty, agro at times,rude, big, and abnoctious. I loved it! Things started changing quikly though. I got pregnant and started a coustody battle for my 3yr old. We quikly had to stay put in Portland Oregon but always listening to the dead all day long . It was extremly hard for him. He was always going out for a smoke and not coming back for days or months. It hert real bad to be left behinde but I understood what was going on. I always searched for him and would get him to come back. Not very long after are daughter GreainFaye was born his life style took a toll and he ended up in fed & state prison doing a 5yr sentence. Oh god, I died that day. The loss and hert from are lifes being torn apart was unbarible.I tryed staying put for him. With in months I distroyed mine and my childrens lifes. I had to move on, keep trukin. Travis always waighd heavy on my hart. Every dream and thought was about him for five years. life kept moving and I had a nother child,But always in minde I would return for him when he gets out. I did just that.I was there when he steped off the bus and he paroled to my house I had for him. We where doing good. We both had jobs. Well I though it was good. He could'nt let go of me leaving him behinde. He left with out a note. I felt so gilty and hert. I tryed to kill my self. I did shot after shot of heroin with no adiction. I should have died! I was so distrot it wasn't bringing me down. I knew where he would be. Tour and Rainbow. I got rid of every thing and hit the road with my daughter to go finde daddy in a last plea for forgivness and to prove I was dedicated and there. We found him hiding out in the woods at holding camp for Whyoming Nationals. I thought we worked things out. Makeing dirtykid love and every thing. Then again with out notice. He said he wasn't in love with me and left. I thought that was it. I wonderd around the woods lost for days. I finally returned to the comfert of the dead on cd and ended up on and off tour. In that process I finde out all that dirt love got me pregnant. Wow! A couple months later Travis cetches up to me. He said he had made a big mistake and had been franticaly searching for me.I ended up joining him in Colorado 3kids and one on the way. Traviling around looking for a place to have a baby. Are son Rylan Stone was born 4-20-09. While I was recovering Travis hit the show in Denver . He could'nt stay away. Days later we all hit the road. Things where grate! I had'nt been more happy in my life. I had all my children and Travis. I was happy. September came and we where waiting for a job out side of mendo. My oldest son was visiting family in Oregon so I needed to go pick him up.I was riding Grayhound and Travis was sapose to meet us there in 1 week and then again go on tour. That's the last time we saw him. He left with out us. I'v been stranded in Portland since then. I got 1 call from him saying"It Is What It Is".I new that was it.I could'nt listen to the dead any more. It herts to much. 6mths have gone by and I'v been stuck here in Portland with no contact from family. I new I wanted to leave Portland and Finde a farm or somthing, But I hav'nt wanted to talk to Family. Untill recantly I have become grate friends with a guy who just so happends to be GDF. He has talked me in to going to the first Saterday Market and then We whent and hung out on shake down they other night when Further was here.I had a grate time.I thank him for bringing me back! Where planing on leaving by June and going on Summer tour and hopfully finding a good family farm. I still havn't listend to the dead though. I Love my husband and Travis was that one. The need to keep trukin is only somthing family can understand. It's comferting but very lonly as well if you let it take controll of your life. In they end the children suffer. So that's why I stay behinde. It did'nt have to be this way. But it is!
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thanks for sharing your story with us. It is a extraordinary tale amazingly well told. It provokes so many emotions I don't know where to start..so I won't. Just to say thanks and wishing you all good things in all good time.
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Just from the glimpse you've given us, it swells my heart. Bet you have more stories to share about being on the road ..... Healing Vibes to you dear & your babies. I have had some of my best cries to the GOGD, namely Black Thtroated Wind. Can't tell you how much better I feel after getting lost in the music! Safe Travels :) PEACE " If you get confused listen to the music play"
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My wife and I are different on so many levels. Especially the music we like. But she's good about listening to those long extended space jams as long as we arn't in her car. Nothing but the latest dance hits for her. So I take my own car and BIODTL.
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I would love to catch the summer tour. My rider is not into it. It's not like we have radically different lifestyles, I just like to see musical performances for an extended period on the road some times. Otherwise we're so alike, don't do bars or share tattoos or have constant electronic contact. We work it out. She gets her thang which is whatever she wants. But we love each other without the responsibility of parenting. and I perfectly understand Anarcho's issues there. All good things to you girl! Bring em'up with taste & style! ~ Pearly'sbeen true, true to me, true to my dieing day ~
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I am 42, JB is 60. Although he is from back in the days of Pigpen and the Haight/Ashbury scene, the Dead was like his local band to him. He experienced the same acid with them ect. He doesn't but them up on this phenominal pedistal like the generation of kids I came from. He has total respect for Jerry Garcia. I view his experiences with great respect. There are very, very few people who experienced those days like JB did. We should write a book about his many travels back in the day. Chigago 69! Now back to me, I experienced the Dead back in the mid to late eighties. I viewed Jerry and the magic differently. Iv'e been to several shows and experienced like for example, Las Vegas. JB and I can relate to the experiences but he isn't so nostalgic as me. I guess that's why he can miss a show and let me go with friends or I go alone. All that DEAD stuff can annoy him sometimes, but at least he'll sometimes go with me. Shoreline 09. Oh the Dead know him alright, Bill Graham in the 70's gave his wife and friends seats right up front just because he listened to his lectures.
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she's still there , i can smell her hair . her skin is soft her spirit is lifted by the 4 winds, but her heart is empty . my fault . i forgot how fragile she was . i turned my head for only a moment in time ,and she was taken .not by any one , but by something. words alone could not mend the strings by which we were bound .i used to think ,who would cradle this soul if not me. i am older now and perhaps to weak to carry her gently. i never stray to far , for fear of leaving her unprotected. if you see her tell her i love her .
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My sister bought me tix for the GD Movie on April 20th as a late birthday gift. My wife, who is not into the band at all, said she wanted to go with me. Needless to say I was a bit shocked. We settled into the theater and my wife avoided making any of her usual comments during jams, which was a great relief. On the drive home, she started asking some pretty insightful questions about the band and the music. The next day I had shoulder surgery, so the topic of music fell away from conversation for a bit, but as the days went by she started asking about specific songs. Here is where the help is needed. My wife is starting to show interest in the band. She said she really likes "Sugar Magnolia" and was really happy when she heard "Peggy-O" come on during dinner the other night, however songs that tend to have longer jams still seem to be a bit of a put off (no "Dark Star" yet). How do I draw her into the band more? It would be so incredible if we could share this interest, so I don't want to ruin it by pushing too hard. Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks, McB "...the powerful plays goes on, and you may contribute a verse" -Walt Whitman-
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Workingman's, American Beauty, and Reckoning are good things to have playing insidiously in the background...
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American Beauty has found its way on a couple of times. I was also thinking "Live/Dead" and "Dead Set" as good introductions into the live aspect of the band. "...the powerful plays goes on, and you may contribute a verse" -Walt Whitman-
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My significant other & I are tied together by our work. There is no escape from a loveless marriage, especially w/o the various side projects of the remaining cast of characters to get a breath of relief. It's forcing me to look for quick escapes from reality with heads whom I can truly enjoy the music with. Hey, when your whole life is going to clubs every night and listening to music it becomes nauseating once you get hooked on jam-band music. Anna the vamp-ire slayer
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see me and my wife are alike and different. she enjoys alot of dark music and light music, but i am unsure if she enjoys the dead or not. she doesnt say anything bout the music when i play it. i figure its only a matter of time
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well as it seems, my plan worked. my wife now loves the dead. thanks to me. saint stephen gets in her head all the time. also, i found out that my loving wife is 7 weeks pregnant, so were bringing another dead head into this world :)
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news piper Congratulations!!!
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thank you all. our unborn kid is hearing some dead thru headphones already. we are quite happy
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hey piper i take it this is your first child. the best parenting advice i ever got was sleep when they do
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Its not easy. I got fooled into a relationship with someone who was not what she pretended to be and took me away from my tribe, alienated friends and pretty much screwed my life up. I still have not recovered and miss my tribe and friends My friend got me to come back to Alaska to take a year off. I have health issues and f my disease was progressing and symptoms were getting worse. This was supposed to be a year I've pretty much been held prisoner for 30 years after 13 years on the road. I kicked her out twice, the second time for good and she came and stole my service dog. She pretty much raped me to get a baby so she wouldn't be alone all the time. He was born with serious birth defects so what I did was the best for my kid but not really for my mental health. I didn't love this woman. My first tour wife died in 90 and all my friends hated my new lady who I brought to AK with me and told me I was just trying to replace what I lost but it wasn't possible. I should have listened but by that time I was getting sick and she really did take care of me. She was just super jealous and petty and has now turned my son against me saying I just want to keep him here to take care of me and he'll be stuck; which is bullshit. Due to my housing contract with AK housing since he flunked premed he could no longer be on my lease. A 24 year old man having his mommy make his lunches and dinners is not being a man. When I was 24 I was on the road seeing every dead show I could and running a mail order LSD business that kept me happy and fat.

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Have a separate stereo system in the bedroom.
Play the living room system when she's not home.
Then there's plenty to listen to from Tapers, Jam-o-week, GD Hour sections,
which I do with headphones if the computer speakers aren't good enough.
So all in all I have plenty of opportunities to listen and a huge collection now.
And she's worth it guys, I've got it good.
Cheers
P.S. Get well Glowme. Tough row to hoe buddy.