• March 10, 2011
    https://www.dead.net/features/dead-heads/blairs-golden-road-blog-mixed-marriages
    Blair's Golden Road Blog - Mixed Marriages?
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This summer, my lovely wife, Regan, and I will celebrate our 30th wedding anniversary (thank you, thank you); a pretty decent accomplishment, I suppose, in this era of fractured families and sky-high divorce rates. You know how they say “opposites attract”? Well, I’ve never bought that for a second—or at least never sought out my own “opposite.”

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Fun topic, Blair. She agrees to go to an occassional Dead/Furthur show, I agree to see romantic comedies. We both suffer severe pain in the interest of the relationship. However, no Grateful Dead Channel in the car in her or my kids presence! "Sometimes the songs that we hear are just songs of our own."
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I love the quotes!! Wearing a gas mask?? OMG I'm rolling on the floor laughing. Luckily my wife is fully converted and doesn't ask those questions anymore. From day 1 she was blown away by the scene, she loves all that hippie stuff. However actually getting her into the music took a bit longer but now she is seriously hooked and asks when the next tour is.. Pomo - You don't let your kids listen to the GD? I figure it sure beats Justin Bieber and all that other crap errr I mean kiddie stuff... "It's got no signs or dividing line and very few rules to guide"
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I am so fortunate to have married a fellow Deadhead; in fact, we met through mutual friends, at a Ventura show in '84. Even more amazing, we are in close to 100 percent agreement on the specifics of what we love about both Grateful Dead music and the Grateful Dead itself. Walking down the aisle to The Wheel was a dream come true. And what better song to hear while giving birth than Dark Star? The baby born during the beautiful jam from Portchester 2/18/71 is now 19, and a Deadhead himself...all those in-utero Dead shows paid off! He's definitely On The Bus, and just saw Furthur in Boston, 3/6/11. We are proud parents, indeed. Thanks for a great piece, Blair!
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Ok, I'm the "female buddy whose non-DH boyfriend wore a gas mask to a show to protect himself from all the smoke!" I have to laugh at that-it was 20 years ago and I'd totally forgotten about that night. He was a good boyfriend in some ways, but we weren't destined to be together, for sure. Now I'm married to a Van Morrison-head (or Van Fan, as they call themselves) who has clocked relatively as many Van shows as I have Dead shows (Van plays far less frequently stateside so not nearly as many opportunities to see him) and we are totally on the same wavelength when it comes to music. In fact, most of our entertainment budget goes to hearing live music. He's an occasional taper, too, and I'm fine with not talking when he's taping--I make the set list! He even went to a few Dead shows before he met me, and one or two after he met me, although he never got on the bus. It's interesting to ponder what would have happened had we met in 1983 instead of 1993. During my Dead years I was mostly single, and although I had my show buddies to hang with, I often wished I had a special someone to cuddle with during Stella or Standing on the Moon. Now I enjoy dancing with my man at Los Lobos or Patti Smith or Jackie Greene, and swaying with our arms around each other during Van's more soulful numbers. There's never any argument about spending the dough for tickets, and we're game to dash down to The Catalyst in Santa Cruz or up to the Mystic Theater in Petaluma to see someone we absolutely don't want to miss. I waited a long time for the right guy to find me, and it was definitely worth the wait! Our shared love of music is one of the most valuable gifts we give each other in our relationship.
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My wife never saw the Dead, does not care for the music, and does not understand the fuss. However, this has never been a problem. If I wanted to marry myself, I could have stayed single! Marriage is partially about finding a partner who you can help realize their dreams, and they yours, whether they are the same of wildly different. I can go on the road knowing all is well at home, and upon my return my wife may take off on one of her trips, with different ends in mind. It is great if your soul-mate shares your passions, but it can work out fine if they don't. I think the affinities need to be deeper--if you are both able to have passions whatever they are, to see and hear the beauty in the world, to delve ever more deeply into something you love, and if you can facilitate that in the other.Actually, in retrospect, I never had a Head girlfriend, come to think of it. All I can say, is headphones can be a marriage saver, and a "dead"icated music room, even better!
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My girlfriend of the past four years isn't into music all that much in general, let alone the Dead. What unites us is our similar values in life in general, and our dedication to being there for eachother, so she puts up with my passions, (music, film and comics) and I try to ease the burdens of her workaholism by pitching in with things that need doing. I will say, though, that I was afraid she'd hit the roof when I told her the news about the EU '72 box, (my finances have been moderately tight for the past year or so). BUT, when I told her the news, she said, "Great, that's what I'll buy you for your birthday"! I really love that girl.
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7 years ago I moved across the country to be with my new-found sweetie (now my wonderful wife). When I did, I left a lot of stuff behind, including my Dead tapes and tie-dyes. I think I was trying to reinvent myself or something. But a Deadhead must be true to him/her self. When my wife discovered how much I loved the Dead she was intrigued. She hadn’t really heard much beyond “Touch of Grey”. Now, she fully embraces her Deadhead dude. She’s bought me a ton of Dead swag in the past few years, from books to xmas tree ornaments to the vinyl reissues that came out last year. She bought me a hard drive to store my traded shows, and encouraged me to order the ’72 box when I had initial doubts about the expense. We caught Furthur last year, and she loved it. She has some fav tunes, too, like “Morning Dew”, "Ripple" and “I Know You Rider”. To paraphrase The Band, she’s “a Deadhead’s dream, if I ever did see one….”
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& my response was: are you absolutely fucking crazy? but then, I lucked out & no mixed marriages here.....however when my son was a teenager (in the '80's) he did say this once to me when I pulled out a tie-dye for the 1st time in years: "Do you have any idea how silly you look in that tie-dye shirt?” Actually, I think it was more like-MOM-you're NOT going OUT in THAT, are you? It was a great tie-dye with Mr Natural on the front.......:)))
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congrats on the 30 years!
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Married 35 years, in the early days my wife thought it good to do the things that I like to do, bless her heart. There's a limit to this sort of thing, of course, and it apparently came to a head when we went to our first Dead show. I was esctatic to be finally seeing the boys, she apparently was waiting for the show to end from the get-go...something I failed to pick up on between sets when she originally thought the show had ended. It's not like she hated the experience -- her best friend was with us, so she was having a good party time -- but she loathed the music. So I'm a little slow on the uptake at times. Eventually I figured out that her interest in my passions did not = shared passions, just an interest in me and what makes me happy. I can live with that. She never went to another Dead show, over the years has scaled way back on the number of concerts in general that she'll attend with me. But she is absolutely supportive of my continued passion for live music, actively encourages me to to see shows even when I'm sitting on the fence about going (which, still slow on the uptake, could be just encouraging me to get out of the house). If I didn't appreciate how often she does this for me before, the point was driven home in a big way just recently: we're facing some extraordinary medical expenses this year, news that came just as the E:72 box news hit the streets. I'm looking at ways to economize, so $450 for yet more Grateful Dead music seemed more than a little extravagant to me. My sweet lady talked me into taking the plunge anyway...as long, of course, as she doesn't actually have to listen to any, let alone all, of the 22 shows (my man cave, and headphones, help a lot in that regard). I love my wife! I love the Dead!
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...she's been AWESOME all my life, coming up on 12 years of marriage next week. Luckily, our common appreciation for Grateful Dead music, and seeing shows, was woven into how we met at work, and our earliest sharing of stories, expanding our circle of friends, and going on the road together really framed our Adventure. However, she still continues to wonder where all these "new CDs" keep coming from!
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It is a good thing that my girlfriend likes the Dead almost as much as I do, because I listen to music all the time and ~93% of the time The Grateful Dead is playing. Our first experience with live Dead music was in 2009 when Ratdog came to Atlanta, I missed out i know. They Love Each Other was one of the songs in the second set, and we both listen to the words and danced, it was a great moment. That is one of the Dead's songs i listen to most. Side note: It only took the first 2 minutes of the first song that night, which was Shakedown Street, to jump on the bus. As far as i am concerned music does not get any better.
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when i met my future wife she had seen more dead shows than i had, including several new years eve shows she had seen keith and donna (while my first show wasnt until norfolk 82) and she even had a picture of herself with jerry from 92, its really cool but alas... upon moving in with me... my extreme obsession has... well i wont say made her hate the dead, lets just say she wouldnt mind if we didnt listen to any tonight, i wore her out she does endure an enormous quantity of dead, and when its not the dead its recordings of my bands, every now and then she gets a reprieve with some miles or coltrane or even some stones... but mostly dead which brings up a related topic... how bout mixed bands? are any of you in bands with people who dont love or even like the dead? its actually pretty cool but it helps if you also have a dead band on the side
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Its not that I don't let them listen to the Dead channel on XM, they won't let me play it in the car. I try to keep an open mind with their music which is mostly techno. Although lately I make them take their ipods so I can get my fix. The key to success is keeping an open mind and accomodating everybody's tastes. "Sometimes the songs that we hear are just songs of our own."
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"It's got no signs or dividing line and very few rules to guide"
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I told Althea I'm a roving son, and I was born to be a bachelor.Althea told me, okay, that's fine, so now I'm trying to catch her. Can't talk to you without talking to me, we're guilty of the same old thing. Been talking a lot about less and less and forgetting the love we bring. Could've been the ribbons too...or that long brown hair. Who knows? It sure was hard to leave her there. Faring thee well now... (Great topic Blair....These Blogs are awesome)
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When my wife and I first met, roughly 3 years ago, I was still in a kind of hiatus from my Dead obsession. I saw my first show in '93 at age sixteen. I already loved the Dead, having been blessed with older brothers with good taste. That first show took my love of their music to another plane, for sure. But, I never got into tapes. The few I collected sounded awful, and I didn't know enough people who were collectors, so that never clicked for me. So, to be honest, the Dead kind of faded into the background for me, since I can only listen to (any band's) studio albums so many times, as good and as over-criticized as I think many of their albums are. When my wife and I had been together about a year I began checking out all the amazing official live releases and sifting through archive and getting increasingly re-obsessed with the band. Now (I'm only slightly embarrassed to admit here) I rarely want to listen to anything else. My wife has similar musical taste to me in general (jazz, folk, and bluegrass primarily) and, thank God, likes the Dead, though she's a casual fan (and was to young to see them with Jerry)--knows the "hits," loves certain songs, but definitely not obsessed with the band. Since my renewed obsession, my wife occasionally remarks, in amazement, how much different music I used to listen to and how I now listen to one band roughly 95 % of the time. She accepts me for it, though, which is wonderful.
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The only music my wife complains about more than the Dead is Neko Case. She thinks I have a crush in her. She went to a number of mostly dead concerts with me but started to get bored in the first half of the 80's. I stop going to most concerts about than but started to go to indie concerts in the 90's. She enjoyed them much more than the dead. The people at the indie concerts are really more laid back than at dead shows. The venues were tiny and the tickets were very cheap for some of the best bands today. Now my concert schedule is more dependent on my kids. They don't like the dead but have preety good taste in music. My wife is pretty much resigned to my listening to any buying the dead's music and I try play the dead more when she is not in the room or the car. I don't think I would want to have the same exact inters I do anyhow. Its nice to have some space during the last 30 years.
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Been married 25 years this April. My wife Robin has been to quite a few shows but never really got into the music or the scene. She has been incredibly supportive of me and my obsession. She used to really like looks like rain but I think after hearing every recorded version in history multiple times, not so much anymore. Back in April of '86 the Dead were playing 4 nights in Worcester. My wife was pregnant with our first child and due any day. I did the right thing and didn't get tickets. The last show was Saturday night and all my friends stopped at my house on route to the gig. After they left I begged my wife to let me go. "you're not going to have a baby tonight are you? I'll call every hour, I'm only 1/2 hour from home, ....blah blah blah....besides they haven't played Morning Dew yet, I have to be there. Well I went, she didn't have our son for two more weeks, they did play Morning Dew (and Comes a Time), and we're still married. The one thing that always brought me back to reality at a show was the Wheel. Round round Robin run around Got to get back to where you belong. I knew it was time to get back where I belong. It's very comforting to know there are people who understand this behavior.... I love my wife too.
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This one hits too close to home. My wife HATES the Grateful Dead. Any Dead related activity she gets involved in or let's me go to is a pure act of love on her part. On accident on a trip we had planned to San Fran when Ratdog was playing the Fillmore on Valentine's Day. She went and it was happy Valentine's Day only for me!!! For Christmas she got me tickets to one night of a three night run of Furthur. The real present wasn't the ticket, it was permission to go!!! She couldn't understand why I had to extend my stay. She can't understand why I have to have so many shows. But it's OK. We balance each other out. It just means I can't give her a hard time about watching reality TV shows. That's the deal.
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but doesn't LOVE them. 3 weeks after we started dating I took her to her first show in 1993 at RFK. She's younger than me and I think she was more excited that Sting was opening! He did mostly old Police songs from when she was in high school so she really dug that. She did seem to have a genuine appreciation for the Dead and continues to respect their music, but she thinks I listen to them WAY too much!!! We share musical interests such as Eric Clapton and Hendrix, so it works out well. We have learned to coexist peacefully and occasionally turn each other on to something new!
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Blair, first i have to say i love this blog thing that you have going on, it is great that you are doing this and you speak to so many and put things into to words so perfectly, so thank you. I have had relationships of mixed, i remember leaving a Brokedown Palace encore early because of a girl and still regret it to this day. Later/recently in life i started dating this outstanding woman, she would sing songs out loud very tone deaf but i could tell she was a lover of music and it moved her. I of course played the boys all of the time. She learned the songs just because she can hear a song and know it immediately. So we went to Chicago on the "Dead" tour with Warren Haynes, stayed in the hotel right there, she couldnt understand why we "had" to go both nights but was like whatever I love you and if it makes you happy then fun. So first night we eat some mushies, two songs into it she looks up and me and is like I totally get it, im sold. Since then we have been fortunate enough to see a lot of Further, and wow is that band hot right now, i could go on about that but that is another blog, they really are cool though. Anyway, weve seen them from east to west coast a couple of times over (not bad for 60 hour a week working stiffs) but we live in Colorado, she is from Boston, and we both cant seem stay away from San Francisco. So we have been getting a lot of shows, and we LOVE the Golden Road the Band and all of the people we meet on our journeys. We are now getting married and Im so excited that she got into it and so is she. The other day she was like "baby arent you happy that i love the dead, and i was like, yes for sure but really im happiest that you truly understand that part of me"...you know. So we were in Boston last fourth caught the Lowell, and during that trip to visit her family i remember walking by the Orpheum and i was like that would be the best venue OMG. Well a year passes, and one of her girlfriends that she turned on got Tickets (Orpheum), so she flew out (without me) to "try on wedding dresses" and caught the show. She loved it, she is full blown hooked at this point....Love it, We consider ourselves very lucky and are absolutely grateful. Don't get in their way, there's nothing you can say, Nothing that you need to add or do.
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tells me what to wear, including my son....but then, he's stolen most of my good tie-dyes. His mom and i have been married over 30 years, but we haven't liver together in over 10. We have too many irreconcilable similarities.
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I've been a deadhead since Englishtown before I met my wife years later. She had no idea what the fuss was all about seeing a band over and over. When she finally went to a show she saw and enjoyed what I was feeling all along. Took her to Garcia shows which she preferred over the dead because of the diversity of music he played. She really enjoyed motown and rhythm and blues. I'm still going to shows with my friends and she knows that when it gets close to the boys coming around I'm like a kid in a candy store. She still can't believe all I listen to is the dead and furthur. My wife can't believe the collection of dead and furthur I have.
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... jdown. That's a great story! I was afraid when you talked about her not being the greatest singer that maybe she sang off-key at the top of her lungs at Dead or Furthur show... something I've witnessed at many a show!
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Yesterday 3-10 was the 30th Anniversary of my FIRST Dead Show ! ...and a killer show at that! It's so funny you blog on mixed marriages because my wife could care less about my landmark moment :-) In fact, she was only 9... still two years before New Kids On The Block for her passion :-) We are very much in love, we have 3 beautiful children... each of them has their own favorite Dead tune... The oldest is 11 (Fire On The Mtn.) My Daughter is 7 (Monkey & The Engineer) and my 5 year old loves Run Run Rudolph as well as Monkey on the Train :-) My wife is very cool about the things I do on my own time although I've been trapped up here on the 3rd floor for 3 months straight trying to get caught up with ALLLL of the incredible VINE material that Dead.Net has provided me:-) I could never have taken her to a show back in the day... she just never knew that scene and I can't bring it back anyway. She's gonna KILL ME if she ever finds out how much Europe '72 Boxed Set cost me LOL !!!!!! Nothin left to do but :-) :-) :-)
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Married 24 years this past week - my wife and I are aligned on most things - goals, values etc. The Dead is not her thing at all, but we have had a wonderful marriage because we don't sweat little stuff and we both have the freedom to do things we want to do. My 20 year old is a Dead fan and it has been great to see some shows with him. I just flew from Indy to Denver to meet him where he lives and we flew to San Francisco to see some concerts including Hot Tuna last night and tonight I am taking him to his first trip to the Fillmore
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First, a big mazel tov to Blair and his betrothed!!now my rant - security was swarming and dragging people out of the Furthur show 3/10/11 all over the seated are at Best Buy Theater NYC for very minor toking. these guards were on the hunt and bagged quite a few peaceful hippies. i don't know how it was on the dance floor but it reminded me of the Nassau Coliseum in the early 1970's. Didn't the GD stop playing the Coliseum for a few years because of this strong arm pot harassment? I didn't see any smoking at best buy (it must have been very discreet), nor did i partake but it appears that this was the reason for all the security guards present. "look for a glow and pounce" seemed their m.o.. and this was going on all around me and my friend! it was very disturbing. I loved the GD and I love Furthur but this was overboard. no second chances, people got dragged out. yes, there was a warning by a staff member from the stage prior to the show advising people go outside (in a monstrous rain storm) to smoke weed but give me a break, this is 2011 in NYC, we are grown ups. there is no need to destroy the vibe of a show. As a result, I feel this over zealous crackdown at Best Buy Theater is definitely not the kind of place I would want to take a girlfriend. It should be a peaceful, wonderful music experience not a place to see non-violent hippies dragged out of their seats right next to you! I strongly recommend boycotting The Best Buy Theater until they change their policy or I respectfully suggest to Phil and Bob that out of basic human dignity they consider other venues. let the good times roll, - Fullerjam
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Sorry to hear that, Fullerjam. Sounds pretty un-NYC to me. It's not like that's some jewel of a theater, either... Some cop must have a had a quota to fill...
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Went to see The Dead in April 2009. Brought my wife with me. She hated every second and was begging to leave after 1 hour. We stayed for 2 total hours and we finally left because she was so angry. Now we're divorced and life is great! :) Jim
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Thanks Blair for the grate blog topic, some of these stories are great in response also. I got to say I haven't seen that particular Adventures into Darkness cover before, I suppose the skeltons on the cover reflect the dead connection, but who are the strange cats? :)
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Oh, how so true... i am definitely in a mixed marriage. I met my wife in 1999 and we were both very clear about our positions regarding the Grateful Dead - I'm a Deadhead and she borders on loathing. After the first year that we dated, I found sobriety. I have been a Wharf Rat since June 13, 2000. My wife has been my biggest supporter. So, needless to say, when I went to my first show since getting clean - The Other Ones November, 29, 2000 at Mellon Arena in Pittsburgh - she insisted on coming to help ward off any temptatioin. We left during Bird Song. Her next show was Ratdog on November 7, 2003 at the Byham Theater, also in Pittsburgh. I was able to enjoy the entire show. She spent nearly the entire second set reading a book and texting her cousin from the theater lobby. The following Spring, she insisted on travelling to a show with me. I was reluctant, but she made a valid point about driving home to Pittsburgh after the show alone on the Pennsylvania turnpike. So, off we drove to the epic Ratdog gig of March 27, 2004 at Penn's Peak. Interestingly, the recording breaks between the 2nd and 3rd discs about the same time she did - "stuff"... so home we were bound. In 2 weeks the current Furthur tour will be visiting Pittsburgh for the first time. We have been married for over six years now and have 3 wonderful children. They are becoming indoctrined to distinguish between "Jerry and Bobby" or "Bobby and Phil" or just "Phil" or only "Bobby"... My five year old knows when "Billy & Mickey" are playing together or not at all... Their mother could care less. Never the less, she, once again will be joining me at the show & has been warned that she will also be taking in the after party where a local Grateful Dead tribute band, thecause, will be playing... Thank God that Grandma is watching the kids that night... Blair - thank you for this wonderful forum to share my thoughts... SAY YOUR PEACE & GET OUT
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Our relationship began when he was 12 and I was 15, so we have a lot of shared history. He really loved the Dead for years; I liked them OK but didn't have strong feelings one way or the other. We've been married for 26 years now, and I've been a Deadhead for the last seven. An amazing recording of Eyes and Sunshine tripped the switch in my head, and I've been making up for lost time ever since! I'm just really greatful that my husband has enjoyed re-experiencing the music with me in the form of Ratdog, the Dead, and now Furthur. In fact we just saw the three Boston Orpheum shows and had a wonderful time! It's perfect to be able to share this together, but it was never a bone of contention for us before my "awakening." But enjoying it together adds another wonderful element to our shared lives :)The other night, he told me he had put the Barton Hall show on my iPod. I said, "Oh, from Cornell in 1977?" His head whipped around, he looked at me and said "wow, you're getting good!"
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My wife has been tolerating my deadness for years. She is not a Deadhead. I learned not to play it when she is around, and to talk about it as little as possible.
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Makes it even more clear just how wonderful and tolerant my wife is. "It's got no signs or dividing line and very few rules to guide"
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I went to the Beacon Saturday night to see the Allman Brothers. Couple sat next to me. He was standing and dancing throughout. She sat with a scowl on her face and constantly texting. They left in the middle of the second set. When she got up I said: "Had enough?" The look she gave me suggested her boyfriend/husband owes her big time for making her sit through such garbage! "Sometimes the songs that we hear are just songs of our own."
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I married a woman who wasn't a Deadhead, although she was a hippie and rock'n'roll girl through and through. She would see every Van Morrison show she could get to, so she understood why I did that with the Dead. And in fact, she saw the dead several years before I did, so she had me beat on that score. More importantly, Rita understood the importance of community and readily embraced her new role as a member of this one. She was, and is, a boon companion and an excellent tour guide: she is directly responsible for my deep and abiding love of southern Utah and all that outdoor stuff, and she has turned me on to just as much music as I have turned her on to. Having been a friend and colleague of both Blair and Regan since before they became a couple, and a neighbor here in this ZIP code for nearly two decades, I must say it's been a pleasure to enjoy the ride beside them. Gans/GD Hour blog
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We were both waaayyy into the Dead when we met -- a mutual acquaintance introduced us at a show (12/27/81). By NYE, we knew we would spend our lives together. We are soulmates who come from very different worlds, and without the GD it is hard to fathom how we would have ever crossed paths.
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Thanks for the congrats, and I totally had to clue her in on the "lip sync" belt out, for sure:) Take care,
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Thanks for the Xtranormal video links. I laughed so hard I nearly shit myself. A complete encapsulation of your blog subject. Classic.
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I have to play the GOGD when she's not around. For a complete encapsulation of my emasculation send a PM.
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Thank you Blair for holding up this subject, my angle on it is slightly different, how about the gay Deadhead who gets into a long term patrnership with a non-deadhead? I have known my buddy for a mere 19 years, been into the Dead since the european tour of '81, and the two commitments have not always run smooth, but both run deep with me, My buddy Anthony likes a few Dead tunes, about three, actually-Sugaree being his dead favourite, but the rest and the whole phenomenon of the, he just does not get it, but has recognised that I have worked best and most enthusiastically if he allows me that music...
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I tried it once. Brought a girl I barely new to Boreal Ridge 1985. The minute we got there the complaining began..thus I HAD to take ALL the drugs I had immediatley just to quell the nagging. We got in the show and sure enough the naked purple guy shows up and starts masterbating right next to her. After everyone realized what he was up to everyone gave him mucho space to do his thang during China>Rider. It was at this time we parted ways and I've never seen or heard from her since. Thanks naked purple guy..you saved the day..
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It was revealed to me the next day that I WAS the naked purple guy...
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My wife's idea of the bus is an SUV. I thank God I have listening spaces - the car and, most fortunately, one at home. I met my wife when I was on my GD hiatus. When she and I met we were both really getting into reggae - Gregory Isaacs, Dennis Brown, Bob Marley and all the popular Dance Hall of the early to mid-80's. I was still playing Dead in a band but from '84 to '86 it was strictly reggae. I often wonder what would life have been like with a mate as passionate as I for the GD? I can remember girlfriends from pre-'84, but as the Head says in the movie, "those were the old days." So as I listen to TLEO from 3/19/77 I consider myself a most grateful soul and continue to pray my E'72 Box arrives sometime before it's 40th anniversary and that I still have my spaces when our 25th arrives in October!!! Cheers all y'all " Where does the time go? "
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13 years 3 months
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The Spectrum parking lot is where I met my wife-to-be during the Dead's run there in March 1986. I proposed to her at the Telluride shows in 1987. We celebrated the 25th anniversary of our meeting at the Furthur Tower shows.....with our Deadhead spawn. We wouldn't have been near as happy, or made it this far if we hadn't married a deadhead.
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12 years 5 months
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I knew the radio songs--Trucking, Casey Jones, Touch, Throwing Stones, but never was a Dead fan. I was one of the clueless who bought into the stereotype of the DeadHead, and didn't understand the music, the culture or the connections. So my ex had a library copy of "Ladies and Gentlemen..." that she brings home. I'm really not impressed with Pigpen or the jams, but I like some of the songs. A few months later, and during a major illness (for me), she brings home Freaks and Geeks. Barely remembered the original run, but latched onto it. Of course, I boarded the bus after watching the episode with the American Beauty soundtrack. It was 2006, I'm facing major surgery, there are already cracks in the relationship that I'm aware of, but when I hear "Ripple" for the first time, the music made it all better. She borrowed "Ladies and Gentlemen..." again, and I loved it--all of it! So I bought that and American Beauty. Got me through my first surgery. In between surgeries (had to have one more) was the summer of 2007. Just turned 40, had a subscription to Relix magazine and saw an ad for the Gathering of the Vibes. Mickey and Bobby there? *I* had to be there! I hadn't felt that good in years and wanted to see two of the guys from my new favorite band (sorry Pete and Roger!). The trip from Detroit to Bridgeport was great, hearing DSO was incredible and watching Mickey at work was mind-blowing--and I wasn't on anything!! Unfortunately, the missus didn't like the vibe of the Vibes, so we left on Saturday, missing out on Bobby and RatDog. 2008 comes around, and just as quickly as she was on the bus, she was off the bus! Didn't want to hear the music, didn't like me buying up CDs or downloading shows and certainly didn't like my excitement about the upcoming RatDog show. Now, she can get all excited about Morrissey, play his music all the time, and get excited about *his* upcoming show, but I couldn't talk about the RatDog show! I called her on it, which she didn't like, and finally said that if I couldn't play the Dead when she was home, that she couldn't play Moz. She didn't like that, either! On the "War Stories" blog entry, I wrote about the Royal Oak RatDog show. It was Mark's first show back after his cancer scare, and I was thrilled to see the band, and a new music hero for me, in person and in such a great venue (Royal Oak Music Theatre). Of course, I'm so happy that I immediately buy two tickets (this was a little before our blowup with Dead v Morrissey). She starts to complain about the music, about how she doesn't like Bobby and only wants to hear Jerry singing on the original album tracks. As the kids say these days, "whatever"!! When she kept repeating that she was going to drink a lot at the show so it would be bearable, I finally told her that she didn't have to go. I wanted to have a good time, and didn't want her there if she didn't want to be there. So she didn't go, and I had a GRATE time. :) One more surgery, and I'm back on the road to good health. And I'm solidly on the bus. As I discover Nugs.net and their free stash, she complains about the number of show I'm downloading. Even to this day, with purchases and downloads, I only have about 50 shows. But she complained. "Do you really need all that? How many shows do you really listen to?" Um, all of them! Her complaints to me/about me were couched in her complaints about the music I listened to. Yes, Jerry's gone (and Pigpen, Keith, Brent and Vince) and nothing's going to bring him back, but there's still some incredible music that the Core Four are putting out there--together and separately. I don't get how she complained about Bobby's voice, when she listened to singers with limited ranges. Moz, Bryan Ferry, Lucinda Williams, even Leon Redbone--all singers I enjoy, but I prefer Bobby. Yes, Bryan Ferry does a good job of covering Dylan, but when push comes to shove , give me Bobby with Masters of War and especially Masterpiece any day! So I made it to Greensboro in 2009, and saw the first Chicago show with Furthur last year, by myself. When we separated late last year, I treated myself to the Beyond Description boxed set--thank you Barnes and Noble membership discount! While listening to the studio cuts (I still say "album" when I'm talking about CDs!), I realize that I've heard a lot of it before--and not just from the concert tapes (I still say "tapes", too!). I went to junior high and high school in a college town (Mt. Pleasant, home to Central Michigan University) and remembered many of the tunes from the college radio station. The divorce proceedings turned nasty (from her side, not mine) and the unexpected costs caused me to miss this last run of Furthur. If I can't make it to a summer show, I'm definitely going to get to at least one fall show! You may go solo, but you're never alone at a Grateful Dead-related show! And I can't be too mad at her--she got me on the bus. As for her getting off the bus--more room for me to dance. :)
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13 years 4 months
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Hope your health stays with you and you have many more opportunities to see the boys. As for the ex... well, the Morrissey obsession should have been the tip-off. I mean, I got nothin' against the guy, but he's awfully... mopey... I don't know that episode of Freaks and Geeks (in fact I've never seen a full episode, tho I know many people who were/are devoted to it and its reruns...) I'll look for it...
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13 years 4 months
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The episode with Ripple and, IMHO, to even better effect Box of Rain, is the final one. There are three episodes per DVD and seven in all. It's similar to The Wonder Days. " Where does the time go? "
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  • puroshaggy
    9 years 2 months ago
    My wife is punk and/or
    My wife is punk and/or dance, enjoys Gogol Bordello, !!!, local Texas punk, Fugazi, etc. So do I, but the only time she tolerates- no, I will say enjoys- the Dead is shortly after 4:20 or on long late night road trips. Those two times put her in the mindset where the Dead sound perfect. J.T. Gossard http://thehallucinogenicbible.blogspot.com/
  • headwall07
    9 years 2 months ago
    mixed marriages
    Mazel tov on 30 years. It will be 31 for us this year. Both my wife and I grew up in the SF bay area and started hearing the Dead for free in the panhandle of Golden Gate park as teens, though we didn't know each other then. When we met, I was a deadhead living in Berkeley and went to all the local shows. I took her to the fillmore (west?) and we went backstage because I knew some people. She was unimpressed then, and is unimpressed now. She did like to 'shroom, though....LOL She tolerates the "headness" and most of my tie dye is worn out, except for the shirt from the further tour with the Other Ones incarnation. I have more dead shirts than stones shirts and have been to lots more dead shows than stones shows. My wife likes the stones and so do I, but there's nothing like the GOGD. I go to shows by myself once in a while and stay in touch with other heads here and on facebook, listen a lot on YouTube. We are still in love.......and Jefferson Airplane loves you!
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    Rickoshell
    9 years 2 months ago
    Mixed--But No Worries
    We're a mixed marriage, and here's the story. I pretty much grew up with the Dead--and all the other SF bands. I lived practically across the street from the Polo Fields and Speedway Meadows. Back in the mid 60's, there'd be free concerts in the park every weekend. Me and my friends would be out at the Polo Fields playing baseball, when the tribes would slowly start to gather. Wild times back then for sure. I saw them so many times I can't even begin to give you a number. I used to always stand off to the left over where Pigpen was--but not too close, cause the Hells Angels parked their bikes over there too, and that was a whole different scene. Man the music was raw back then, but so true and real! I loved the Dead back then.But, onward to the Mixed Marriage part. It's now 1973, and I meet this wonderful girl from Omaha. She finally moves out here the early part of '74. Of course I want to introduce her to a real San Francisco concert, so her first show here in the City was the Wall of Sound show at the Cow Palace. I don't think her mouth closed the whole night. You have to understand that back then, Omaha might as well have been in another part of the world. Or should I say, San Francisco was in another part of the universe. She had never seen anything close to a Dead show before. From the parking lot to all that follows, it was all too much. So, unfortunately for her, that was her first and last show. Never been a problem for me, as there's always someone to go with. Plus, we liked pretty much all other music. Just a shame about that part. Hard to understand, but then again, the world keeps turning. Anyway, we're still together, so hows that for longevity. Thanks--It's fun to look back and remember and tell some yarns. Ricko