• 76 replies
    marye
    Joined:
    May 26, 2007
    It's a common tale: you're into the Dead. You're also into your relationship with your significant other, who is very much not into the Dead. How do you make it work?

Comments

sort by
Recent
Reset
  • June 13, 2016 - 6:25pm
    JMMcDermott
    Joined:
    June 13, 2016
    I had a similar problem with respect to my father
    My dad was a staunch disciplinarian as a father, so I could never quite wrap my head around his Dead fandom. So last summer I attended Fare Thee Well with him to better understand that side of him. I write about the experience here: https://features.wearemel.com/my-disciplinarian-father-the-deadhead-cc7…
  • May 19, 2016 - 5:52am
    Riniato2
    Default Avatar
    Joined:
    May 19, 2016
    Dead head family :(
    Dead head family :(
  • September 28, 2015 - 5:42am
    B. of Fantasti…
    Joined:
    September 25, 2015
    that was a beautiful story
    that was a beautiful story there izzie,
  • May 13, 2012 - 3:58pm
    noonie
    Joined:
    July 31, 2007
    and the indoctrination begins
    hey piper i take it this is your first child. the best parenting advice i ever got was sleep when they do
  • May 10, 2012 - 3:58pm
    piper at the g…
    Joined:
    February 20, 2012
    thank you all. our unborn kid
    thank you all. our unborn kid is hearing some dead thru headphones already. we are quite happy
  • April 30, 2012 - 4:46pm
    noonie
    Joined:
    July 31, 2007
    Awesome.....
    news piper Congratulations!!!
  • April 30, 2012 - 7:59am
    marye
    Joined:
    May 26, 2007
    congratulations!
    to your Dead Head family!:-)
  • April 30, 2012 - 6:32am
    piper at the g…
    Joined:
    February 20, 2012
    well as it seems, my plan
    well as it seems, my plan worked. my wife now loves the dead. thanks to me. saint stephen gets in her head all the time. also, i found out that my loving wife is 7 weeks pregnant, so were bringing another dead head into this world :)
  • February 23, 2012 - 12:19pm
    piper at the g…
    Joined:
    February 20, 2012
    sugar magnolia, blossoms bloomin'
    see me and my wife are alike and different. she enjoys alot of dark music and light music, but i am unsure if she enjoys the dead or not. she doesnt say anything bout the music when i play it. i figure its only a matter of time
  • February 10, 2012 - 5:40am
    Anna rRxia
    Joined:
    December 25, 2009
    Looking for love in all the wrong places
    My significant other & I are tied together by our work. There is no escape from a loveless marriage, especially w/o the various side projects of the remaining cast of characters to get a breath of relief. It's forcing me to look for quick escapes from reality with heads whom I can truly enjoy the music with. Hey, when your whole life is going to clubs every night and listening to music it becomes nauseating once you get hooked on jam-band music. Anna the vamp-ire slayer
user picture

Member for

11 years 5 months
Forums
It's a common tale: you're into the Dead. You're also into your relationship with your significant other, who is very much not into the Dead. How do you make it work?
user picture

Member for

11 years 4 months
Permalink

Crossing my fingers for you, that you get your chance to show her. ********************************** Education: that which reveals to the wise, and conceals from the stupid, the vast limits of their knowledge. Mark Twain
user picture

Member for

8 years 11 months
Permalink

Have been getting along with her well, but not much has changed beyond that. She is going away with him this weekend to see Furthur in New Jersey. Trying my best to accept that, but it's hard.
user picture
Default Avatar

Member for

8 years 10 months
Permalink

I fell in love with Leonardo years ago... but I didn't realize it until i had this dream about him selling posters of himself on Shakedown Street back in 1998 when I first when on Further Tour. I was 19 at the time. I think he is the most gorgeous man I have ever seen in my life. Really don't care about the movie career though I think he is a great actor! Hoping to meet up with him at a show. Breaks my heart to see him with another girl. Love him so much..hoping my dream will come true...to marry Leonardo and spend my life with him , tour with grateful dead and have his children here on God's Green Earth!! Thank you! I wish you all the very best with your relationships.. don't worry God has someone for everyone.. just a matter of meeting up with them! Don't cry my brothers and sisters... I love you all very much and so does Jesus! Peace!
user picture
Default Avatar

Member for

8 years 9 months
Permalink

Also an admirer of Vince Gill...a really great person
user picture

Member for

10 years 6 months
Permalink

My Beautiful Wife, Katie, also known in common circles as Krati, puts up w/ me listening over and over to Jerry and the Boyz play...or the latest configuration of the band these days! She wants to hear something 'New, Fun, and INterestinG. ' next weekend, we are both getting on a plane to go to ORlando to see Furthur!!!! I Can't Wait..!!
user picture

Member for

8 years 8 months
Permalink

Well, What about the storys of two trukin and even better with children! Alot of times that also dosn't work out. Heart breaks and betrail on the road. That's my story.Lovers can be a little wishy and flighty when there use to a life on the road. Always on the move, always have to go. When stuck or home bound for a minute they panick. I understand it, I feel that way as well alot.I met my forever lover about 10yrs ago. He introduced me to the dead and to more of the life style. history, the now, Where kids are, how they travil, how to be inovative and make some bucks along the way. He helped me become a little more free. I was already on my way, but he gave me the atitude I needed to move forward on my own. Things where grate when we met. I only had one child that was'nt living with me at that time. We where able to move freely and go any where. He fasinated me, I followed him any where always listening to the dead. Although I herted from missing my child I had his warmth. Don't get me wrong, He's not all hippie love. He's a "dead head". Dirty, agro at times,rude, big, and abnoctious. I loved it! Things started changing quikly though. I got pregnant and started a coustody battle for my 3yr old. We quikly had to stay put in Portland Oregon but always listening to the dead all day long . It was extremly hard for him. He was always going out for a smoke and not coming back for days or months. It hert real bad to be left behinde but I understood what was going on. I always searched for him and would get him to come back. Not very long after are daughter GreainFaye was born his life style took a toll and he ended up in fed & state prison doing a 5yr sentence. Oh god, I died that day. The loss and hert from are lifes being torn apart was unbarible.I tryed staying put for him. With in months I distroyed mine and my childrens lifes. I had to move on, keep trukin. Travis always waighd heavy on my hart. Every dream and thought was about him for five years. life kept moving and I had a nother child,But always in minde I would return for him when he gets out. I did just that.I was there when he steped off the bus and he paroled to my house I had for him. We where doing good. We both had jobs. Well I though it was good. He could'nt let go of me leaving him behinde. He left with out a note. I felt so gilty and hert. I tryed to kill my self. I did shot after shot of heroin with no adiction. I should have died! I was so distrot it wasn't bringing me down. I knew where he would be. Tour and Rainbow. I got rid of every thing and hit the road with my daughter to go finde daddy in a last plea for forgivness and to prove I was dedicated and there. We found him hiding out in the woods at holding camp for Whyoming Nationals. I thought we worked things out. Makeing dirtykid love and every thing. Then again with out notice. He said he wasn't in love with me and left. I thought that was it. I wonderd around the woods lost for days. I finally returned to the comfert of the dead on cd and ended up on and off tour. In that process I finde out all that dirt love got me pregnant. Wow! A couple months later Travis cetches up to me. He said he had made a big mistake and had been franticaly searching for me.I ended up joining him in Colorado 3kids and one on the way. Traviling around looking for a place to have a baby. Are son Rylan Stone was born 4-20-09. While I was recovering Travis hit the show in Denver . He could'nt stay away. Days later we all hit the road. Things where grate! I had'nt been more happy in my life. I had all my children and Travis. I was happy. September came and we where waiting for a job out side of mendo. My oldest son was visiting family in Oregon so I needed to go pick him up.I was riding Grayhound and Travis was sapose to meet us there in 1 week and then again go on tour. That's the last time we saw him. He left with out us. I'v been stranded in Portland since then. I got 1 call from him saying"It Is What It Is".I new that was it.I could'nt listen to the dead any more. It herts to much. 6mths have gone by and I'v been stuck here in Portland with no contact from family. I new I wanted to leave Portland and Finde a farm or somthing, But I hav'nt wanted to talk to Family. Untill recantly I have become grate friends with a guy who just so happends to be GDF. He has talked me in to going to the first Saterday Market and then We whent and hung out on shake down they other night when Further was here.I had a grate time.I thank him for bringing me back! Where planing on leaving by June and going on Summer tour and hopfully finding a good family farm. I still havn't listend to the dead though. I Love my husband and Travis was that one. The need to keep trukin is only somthing family can understand. It's comferting but very lonly as well if you let it take controll of your life. In they end the children suffer. So that's why I stay behinde. It did'nt have to be this way. But it is!
user picture

Member for

11 years 5 months
Permalink

thanks for sharing your story with us. It is a extraordinary tale amazingly well told. It provokes so many emotions I don't know where to start..so I won't. Just to say thanks and wishing you all good things in all good time.
user picture

Member for

11 years
Permalink

Just from the glimpse you've given us, it swells my heart. Bet you have more stories to share about being on the road ..... Healing Vibes to you dear & your babies. I have had some of my best cries to the GOGD, namely Black Thtroated Wind. Can't tell you how much better I feel after getting lost in the music! Safe Travels :) PEACE " If you get confused listen to the music play"
user picture

Member for

9 years 3 months
Permalink

My wife and I are different on so many levels. Especially the music we like. But she's good about listening to those long extended space jams as long as we arn't in her car. Nothing but the latest dance hits for her. So I take my own car and BIODTL.
user picture
Default Avatar

Member for

48 years 10 months
Permalink

I would love to catch the summer tour. My rider is not into it. It's not like we have radically different lifestyles, I just like to see musical performances for an extended period on the road some times. Otherwise we're so alike, don't do bars or share tattoos or have constant electronic contact. We work it out. She gets her thang which is whatever she wants. But we love each other without the responsibility of parenting. and I perfectly understand Anarcho's issues there. All good things to you girl! Bring em'up with taste & style! ~ Pearly'sbeen true, true to me, true to my dieing day ~
user picture

Member for

9 years 9 months
Permalink

I am 42, JB is 60. Although he is from back in the days of Pigpen and the Haight/Ashbury scene, the Dead was like his local band to him. He experienced the same acid with them ect. He doesn't but them up on this phenominal pedistal like the generation of kids I came from. He has total respect for Jerry Garcia. I view his experiences with great respect. There are very, very few people who experienced those days like JB did. We should write a book about his many travels back in the day. Chigago 69! Now back to me, I experienced the Dead back in the mid to late eighties. I viewed Jerry and the magic differently. Iv'e been to several shows and experienced like for example, Las Vegas. JB and I can relate to the experiences but he isn't so nostalgic as me. I guess that's why he can miss a show and let me go with friends or I go alone. All that DEAD stuff can annoy him sometimes, but at least he'll sometimes go with me. Shoreline 09. Oh the Dead know him alright, Bill Graham in the 70's gave his wife and friends seats right up front just because he listened to his lectures.
user picture
Default Avatar

Member for

9 years 3 months
Permalink

she's still there , i can smell her hair . her skin is soft her spirit is lifted by the 4 winds, but her heart is empty . my fault . i forgot how fragile she was . i turned my head for only a moment in time ,and she was taken .not by any one , but by something. words alone could not mend the strings by which we were bound .i used to think ,who would cradle this soul if not me. i am older now and perhaps to weak to carry her gently. i never stray to far , for fear of leaving her unprotected. if you see her tell her i love her .
user picture
Default Avatar

Member for

11 years 4 months
Permalink

My sister bought me tix for the GD Movie on April 20th as a late birthday gift. My wife, who is not into the band at all, said she wanted to go with me. Needless to say I was a bit shocked. We settled into the theater and my wife avoided making any of her usual comments during jams, which was a great relief. On the drive home, she started asking some pretty insightful questions about the band and the music. The next day I had shoulder surgery, so the topic of music fell away from conversation for a bit, but as the days went by she started asking about specific songs. Here is where the help is needed. My wife is starting to show interest in the band. She said she really likes "Sugar Magnolia" and was really happy when she heard "Peggy-O" come on during dinner the other night, however songs that tend to have longer jams still seem to be a bit of a put off (no "Dark Star" yet). How do I draw her into the band more? It would be so incredible if we could share this interest, so I don't want to ruin it by pushing too hard. Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks, McB "...the powerful plays goes on, and you may contribute a verse" -Walt Whitman-
user picture

Member for

11 years 5 months
Permalink

Workingman's, American Beauty, and Reckoning are good things to have playing insidiously in the background...
user picture
Default Avatar

Member for

11 years 4 months
Permalink

American Beauty has found its way on a couple of times. I was also thinking "Live/Dead" and "Dead Set" as good introductions into the live aspect of the band. "...the powerful plays goes on, and you may contribute a verse" -Walt Whitman-
user picture

Member for

8 years 10 months
Permalink

My significant other & I are tied together by our work. There is no escape from a loveless marriage, especially w/o the various side projects of the remaining cast of characters to get a breath of relief. It's forcing me to look for quick escapes from reality with heads whom I can truly enjoy the music with. Hey, when your whole life is going to clubs every night and listening to music it becomes nauseating once you get hooked on jam-band music. Anna the vamp-ire slayer
user picture

Member for

6 years 8 months
Permalink

see me and my wife are alike and different. she enjoys alot of dark music and light music, but i am unsure if she enjoys the dead or not. she doesnt say anything bout the music when i play it. i figure its only a matter of time
user picture

Member for

6 years 8 months
Permalink

well as it seems, my plan worked. my wife now loves the dead. thanks to me. saint stephen gets in her head all the time. also, i found out that my loving wife is 7 weeks pregnant, so were bringing another dead head into this world :)
user picture

Member for

11 years 3 months
Permalink

news piper Congratulations!!!
user picture

Member for

6 years 8 months
Permalink

thank you all. our unborn kid is hearing some dead thru headphones already. we are quite happy
user picture

Member for

11 years 3 months
Permalink

hey piper i take it this is your first child. the best parenting advice i ever got was sleep when they do